Alhamdullillah… the holy month is back.
Lets make use of it to the fullest.
I’ve been reading the story of ‘Nafastari’ and ‘Mawar’ for quite some time. But i dont know what caused nafastari’s death. I just googled ‘Nafastari’ and got the answer for me my question, by accident with horse. He is my age, father of 2. His wife is just 26. Too young for this test but Allah knows what is the best for his servants.
Just heard a news of a relative of mine, her husband has azoospermia = zero sperm. The couple are still young too and they may try IVF or the only choice is adoption. I'm not sure what and where they want to start the treatment. After all, there’re not in KL.
Been thinking of both of them regularly and my heart really goes for them. May Allah give all the strength in this world for them to continue this life as a normal person.
Tomorrow insyaAllah will be my last day of fasting... its been so hard this year to fast in between period and regular clinic visits. I missed 15 days of fasting last Ramadhan... hope this year i will get all 30 days, Amin :)
Friday we will have 'makan-makan' session at office welcoming Ramadhan next week. I'm so excited.
The most i have friends from outside Malaysia would be less than 5 countries but i had visitors from 45 countries to my blog.
One common thing from all this people that came here is ‘Infertility’. Well, we are not alone. It is an international problem. Lets hold our hands together, be strong and try harder each cycle and reach our dream sooner or later.
My last injection for this cycle, Pregnyl taken on Wednesday night.
IUI #2 went on smoothly. We are a bit late to clinic but happen to be just a perfect timing. I recite Nabi Yunus doa while waiting for the procedure and Alhamdullilah, this IUI was less painful then the first one. Everything was done in less than 5 minutes.
(Ultrasound report as on 20th July 2011)
What i like about IUI? Of course the MC :)
Back home and took bed rest for the rest of the day. I had a bad cramping and stomach pain when im home. I believe its ovulation pain. Had that before when i had 8 good follicles last time. Although the scan shows only 4 mature follicles, there are another 2 possible follicle (16x13 and 11x16) which might already grew in the past 2 days and was released together with the 4 more follicles. This means, i had a total of 6 follicles this cycle.
I had a small strain after the IUI too… but only once and no more.
Back to normal today (1dpiui) and feeling good. No more cramping and stomach pain although the stomach is bloated.
Officially in 2ww again.
My appointment was yesterday. As for CD12, i just had 1 follicle that are mature enough. So, doctor asked to go for another round of gonal-f. When i was about to get my medicine, u know what, gonal-f is out of stock!! The nurse says this year they have lots of patients and there is no more stock. Need to come again after 4pm.
My next appointment will be on Wednesday and if everything is according to the plan, the IUI #2 will be on coming Friday. Hope the holy Friday brings me luck for the long awaited little miracle.
It looks like more and more TTC friends are getting pregnant. Alhamdullillah and congrats to Ummi, Tinie, Mummy Tiesya and Cikcokelat. It creates more hope to the others to have that little faith ‘My time will come soon’.
Apart from that, the fertile ones don't want to be left out. Yesterday, i received 2 sms about the giving birth and this morning another one which i don't even knew they were pregnant. The only thing that was in my mind was, ‘Oh, its that season again’.
Apart from my daily intake of folic acid, im taking:
Habatussauda (Black Seed) – 7 seeds daily in the morning
First time tried the goat milk and for me who doesn't drink milk, i can take it without any prob. Definitely i blend it with 7 dates and drinking it daily.
Blackmores Evening Primrose Oil, bought it few months back and unable to take it because the pill is so big! But, instead of just wasting it, i tried it and continuing with it.
I still have some ‘buah zuriat’ given by my friend. Still struggling to peel it… :(
No harm trying right?
Last Sunday when me and DH went to movie, we had plenty of time before the movie starts. So had our dinner and start talking few things about this TTC. In early days of treatment, we use to go together to clinic but since his actual presence is only needed on the IUI day, I'll go alone.
Let him know that Monday morning i need to go to LPPKN. He kind of not interested. He said he’s lazy with this TTC thing. Try and try and no success. During the IUI #1, his SA count was 40 million. If we take 40 million as a minimum count, if BD was done for 3 time during the ovulation it will be 120 million. Yet, none of those met the little egg. Its frustrating. I don't know how to console him.
Deep down in my heart, i want to go for IVF straight without IUI anymore. But, doctor at LPPKN doesn't allow IVF with just 1 IUI. Though i am so scared about IVF. How if its fails too? I’ve been reading a fair share of success and failed IVF stories. It hurts, although it is other person’s story. At the same time, really hoping for the IUI #2 to success. Prayers needed my dear friends.
(Pic source: Indah Khairani)
I find myself hopeful one day and depressed and beat down the next. Help me ya Allah! Sometimes i wonder if i was never made to conceive. This thought will always come and go regularly since in this 4.5 yrs, we failed to produced any single baby, not even miscarriage/ectopic/molar and what so ever. No... im not praying to have miscarriage/ectopic/molar its just the thought of not able to "make babies" that haunt me.
What did i shop today? What else if not my infertility drugs? IUI #2 on the way…
It cost me RM639.10 today. Next appointment will be on next Monday.
P/S – Dr G not taking any Muslim patient who got their menses start from 16th July 2011 due to the fasting month.
As expected, back to CD1 again this morning.
Seems that you really miss me each and every month and you cant live without visiting me. By the way, I love you too!
Cycle days became shorter this 2 months… from 31 days to 21 days.
There is still rooms to go for IUI #2 before the fasting month starts next month.
My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet. - Mahatma Gandhi
You always do a little growing up every time you do a little letting go. - Oprah Winfrey
I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.
No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less travelled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down.
Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.
While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."
- Author unknown
On my previous post, i said i might be having my menses this week. Last Friday, went for appointment to check the growth of my follicles and I did asked the doctor is it possible for me to get my period this week and he said, from the ultrasound, it doesn't seem like I'll be having menses anytime soon.
On CD9, i had 2 big follicles at 20mm and 19mm each. Others at around 14-15mm which will be continue grow if continue with the gonal-f. But since i request for time intercourse, doctor said 2 is more than enough (he actually don't prefer time intercourse for me since tried so many times before and it always fail and he keep saying better go for IUI).
Had my HCG shot (Pregnyl) on Saturday morning. The ‘mega project’ start 36 hours from the Pregnyl injection.
All done and now in 2ww. If it doesn't work out this cycle, its ok, i still can try again :)
I'm taking duphaston now for 16 days together with folic acid and black seed (habattussauda).
On separate note:
DH: Hey, i thought women will be having only 1 ovum per cycle?’
Me: Yes and that's for ‘normal women’. When I'm with the help of hormones medicine, it will stimulate the ovary to produce more ovum's.
After a while…
DH: So, that means you will be having your menopause very early since almost every month you are producing more than 1 egg. It will finish early then.
When the world says "Give Up" Hope whispers "Try it one more time."