Congrats

I miss blogging. Time has changed. Lots of blogger has quit blogging for the past 2-3 years and has moved to Facebook and Instagram.

Me on the other hand, stop blogging for good. Been busy with work and kids. Once in a while will drop by to visit the blog and other blogroll.

I missed lots of stories. TTC stories.

               Some has naturally conceived and delivered.

               Some conceived and delivered via treatment.

               Some has successful adoption.

               Some has separated.

I am here again just to wish all the TTCian who has succeeded no matter via which option.... i am so happy for you.

Congratulations!!

and for those who still in the roller coaster of trying, keep on trying.

Success is a failure that tried one more time

2nd

Allah has given us another chance. Currently im expecting and already in 2nd trimester. Alhamdulillah. Conceived all naturally with the help of BBT Chart, OPK's, habatussauda, Folic Acid, EPO, clomid and PRAYERS.

I have no guts to announce it earlier since this pregnancy had some complication from beginning. Bleed at 5 weeks and was put on Duphaston. Terrible morning sickness just like the first pregnancy and it bleed again on 12 weeks. Currently on Duphaston again.

I feel guilt for not sharing this news with my fellow TTCians. I am sorry for this news. I always pray for the ttcians. Infertility sucks! May Allah open the rezk for all of you too.

With this, i am not going to update this blog anymore.

Stress

With my office work. Im stucked. No Helper. Feel Lost.

Sekian.

Just bought...

For my reference

My Fault

A day leave on Christmas day gave me ample of time to think what actually went wrong and i've got my answer.

1. Though my average Cycle Day is 33, the longest CD i've had for this year was 42. Means i do hv couple of days before actually i can say i am due.
2. Using the opk doesnt really helped me to determine my peak days since it doesnt shows double line when i THOUGHT it should and i just ASSUME i ovulated on certain day. 
3. What actually happen was, i ovulated 6-7 days later than it should me so i actually missed those fertile periods. and thats when i got the faint line on pregnancy test.



http://infertility.about.com/od/infertilitytreatments/a/What-Are-Gonadotropins.htm

4. When i THOUGHT i ovulated, i discontinued to charting my BBT. 
5. Maybe i didnt ovulate at all

All the mistakes was from my side and i've been having unwanted stress for no reason. Actually i am just over excited to get pregnant naturally... thats it. nothing else.

CD38 today and when the AF arrive, i might be going to LPPKN again. Just that, i want to request for female doctor this time if possible. 3 years ago when i first started my treatment, Dr G was my only option. Now i may try my luck again.

AF ... plz come

Received faint positive upt last week for 2 days...

very faint 2nd line

 then it gave me -ve till this morning.  maybe its chemical pregnancy... but hey... where's the AF??? CD36 /19dpo. The nausea killing me. Just show me your ugly face dear AF!

I am tired of waiting. I am tired of all the pg symptoms that im having. I am tired being tired.

TTC #2 with clomid

Bought folic acid and clomid from pharmacy.

Folic Acid 5mg  (30 tablets) : RM 3.8
Clomid 50 mg (10 tablets) : RM 46.8 after less 10%
Total: RM 50.6

Both from different pharmacy

at LPPKN
Folic Acid 5 mg (30 tablets) : RM 1.5
Clomid 50 mg (10 tablets) : RM 36
Total: RM 37.5


CD 1 : 19 November 2013 

CD 2 (20Nov2013) : Clomid 50 mg (2) + folic acid

CD 3 (21Nov2013) : Clomid 50 mg (2) + folic acid

CD 4 (22Nov2013) : Clomid 50 mg (2) + folic acid

CD 5 (23Nov2013) : Clomid 50 mg (2) + folic acid

CD 6 (24Nov2013) : Clomid 50 mg (2) + folic acid

CD7 onwards - folic acid and habattussauda 7 seeds. Tested OPK everyday.

.
.
.
.

Yesterday, on CD 29 / 12dpo and i just felt pregnant. Would that be really possible without seeing a gynea for follicle tracking and so on? I dont know...

Tested this morning and its a BFN

Faint Positive

Been trying seriously for 5 months now. Bought some cheapo opk and been testing from the day AF dried up with the hope i didnt miss out the ovulation. Used up to 13 opk's just for 1 cycle *wee*

and i've got faint positive for 2 days.

Faint positive

http://www.ovulation-calculator.com/ovulation-tests/opk-faq.htm

I was so happy to see those 2 lines though its just faint line and faint line is not considered as positive result reason being, I've never got double lines for opk in my 7 yrs marriage.

Eagerly waiting to get 2 lines in OPK.

Update: OPK faint positive for 5 days straight. Means that i didn't ovulate this cycle. *sigh* 

OPK

I think i dont ovulate on my own even post pregnancy. I've been using ovulation prediction kits but never got my double line on it. But AF will be there on time. I thought everything will be just fine after i delivered baby but boy, im wrong! Once infertile, you're always infertile!

Btw, where else to get cheap OPK's? the cheapest i found was rm2 per stick.

Settled!

Since very limited time, finally this is what we bought for the doctor.

A pen and a thank you card

Card with their newborn pic on it.

We also bought KFC for the doctor and the nurses.

Dr G seems to be so surprise to see this little twins are running here and there actively non stop. After a while, he has no choice and started to "chase" them too worried they will hurt themselves.

Before leaving, Dr G manage to mention, 'do inform and call when you are ready for next'. I'm pretty sure he thinks that, we wont be thinking about next for another 2 years at least ;)

Appointment fixed!

Alhamdulillah... we're gonna bring the twins to meet Dr G next week insyaAllah. The nurse just called and inform that Dr is quite free end of next week.

So its time to seriously think about gift for him as a token of appreciation. Rasanya Dr G tak kesah pun if tak da hadiah. But its me who wants it.

Any idea plz apart tie or pen?? Cant think of any :(

Condolence

My deepest condolence for my dear TTC sister Mama Nurin for the lost of her beloved husband last Friday. Al-fatihah

May he be placed amongst the righteous. 

Taking Charge Of Your Fertility

Looks like i am looking and calculating the ovulation calendar almost everyday for the past 3 months with BIG HOPES like before. My favorite always will be Taking Charge Of Your Fertility.

On different note, we are still pending to bring the twins to meet the Dr G. I'm thinking to bring them sooner so before the doctor forget about us. Yet to buy gift for Dr G. Aaih... banyaknya benda tak settle lagi.

Once deliver, we need to go through the full process at LPPKN again. So, we might do the checking and testing again so that we know hows my body reacting after post pregnancy. I supposed to do Pap Smear when the babies reached 6 months but its still pending. Need to get advice from Dr G too about this.

Oh yeah, during the 1st month vaccination for the babies, the Klinik Kesihatan nursed said that i need to do family planning and she gave me appointments for that which i never do. Infertile doesn't need family planning anyway!

Little Updates

Im back here again ;)

Alhamdulillah the little twins just turned 18 months and they are super hyper. Maybe because they're friends from baby, they are super active. Sometimes i just wonder how the babysitter manage them when im away for work.

About me? Nothing interesting except I've put on weight ... same as i was heavily pregnant. Round face, flabby tummy, huge thigh is normal for me now. Everything starts just after  the twins reach 1 yr old. I had to work extra for them... chasing and running which makes me hungry most of the time :p 

Currently working on weight lose before seriously thinking for the next step while secretly praying to get pregnant naturally. Who knows right?

Mess

My period gone mad. The flow is not normal anymore and im getting spotting in the middle of the cycle.

Today is CD 16 and im getting brown spotting for the past 2 days... only once per day. The AF dried up on CD 10. I am confuse of is this the period left over or something else. Can i pray as normal or i should mandi wajib first?

Its a total mess! 

I'm Sorry

I used to hate to see ppl who post their babies pic to their fb.I hate to see their happiness. I've been in bad mood for several days just because someone update her fb profile pic their family pic on Eid. Well... the real reason was i am jealous with them. Because i cant hv that 'baby'. Because my family is not perfect. 

And now... after years of struggling... i am blessed with twins. It doesn't come easy anyway. Although i am quite resistance to upload my babies pic at first, now i am started to uploading them since ppl keep on requesting for it.

I know those TTCian in my friends list will be upset with it. I am sorry if I hurt any of your feelings. But i am not one of those who  got pregnant just after the wedding and keep on updating the baby pic on fb. I got the babies after the hard way.... from the road less traveled by 'normal' ppl and i think i am deserve to do so. Am i wrong? 

Note: Now i get jealous with every breastfeeding mom since i failed on that!

Its gone

While doing something on my phone I noticed that pictures from my blogs displayed on my phone gallery.  So I went to picasa n deleted those albums.

So now the pics from blog its not showing in my phone anymore.  But guess whatt... all the pictures in all my blogs are GONE n I can't even retrieve it.

Nak berkabung setahun :(

Lesson learned

Infertility is a life long struggle. Even post baby.

Lesson learned. 

- Sarah

Without Uterus

Hi everyone. Me and the twins are doing good. They already 6 months now. All praises to Allah.

I do receive lots of email asking opinion and ppl who share their stories with me. I do find time to reply all of them. I would like to help my fellow ttcian the least that i can...

Recently someone commented on one of my post... my heard really goes for her. I couldnt imagine how strong she is and how she face her daily life. She was born without uterus. How could it be?? What treatment she can do without an uterus??? She wrote something to her husband which i would like to share with everyone.


**********************************


I feel so bad for dragging you along in this...
Sometimes I wish I never got married
So that I'll be alone in this
And not put anyone through this pain

Sometimes while you're sleeping
I just look at you and feel sorry for making you go through this...
And other times I think to myself Why should I feel sorry for you?
You are going to have kids with or without me
The pain of not having them will be taken away from you one day or another
You will laugh, smile, cry, be upset, you will teach your son to ride a bicycle, you will kiss your daughter's forehead, you will drop your children to school, you will shop for your wife to get her a gift with your children, you will carry them on your shoulders, you will be in a labor room one day..........seeing your wife go through the pain of having your children and you will love her for it, you will appreciate her for it.....

and that wife won't be me...

While you're doing all that, I'll probably be at home lying in bed and crying my heart out like I am right now or even worse.

I remember a time when you told me 'What I have with you, I can never have with anyone else'....

Well...what you can have with anyone else, you can never have with me..

Sometimes I wish that you would be with me in this forever and that you would be patient and that we will wait and be content with whatever Allah has written....if we don't have it here, we'll have it in Jannah.

But I know you will be a father one day..a father to the children of another woman.......and I only pray that you both have all the happiness in the world.


**********************************

This is a big test for her and i wish Allah gives her all the strength in this world so that she will able to live this life peacefully.

Miracle Babies are here

After years of trying, finally the miracle babies are here  via c-sect at 37w3d.

Miracles do happen...