Ramadhan Mubarak…

Alhamdullillah… the holy month is back.

Lets make use of it to the fullest.

Infertility: Islamic Perspective – 4. Ultrasound scan does not nullify fasting

Fatawa Issuing Body : Islam Web
Author/Scholar : Dr. Abdullah Al-faqih
Date Of Issue : 21 Shawwal 1424
Note: http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/Fatwa/ShowFatwa.php?lang=E&Id=5480&Option=FatwaId

Question:What is the Fatwa if a woman examined by a doctor/ultrasound scan as treatment for her infertility from her vagina during the day of Ramadan? Does she need to make up for that day?

Answer:Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions. Inserting something in vagina for the purpose of a medical examination does not affect the fast as decided in the tenth session of the Council Of Islamic Fiqh, held in Jeddah in 1997 AD. The resolution contains many matters that do not affect the fasting. According to that resolution the following matters do not break fast: "Anything inserted into the vagina, such as pessaries, douches, scopes or fingers for the purpose of a medical examination. Insertion of a scope or intra-uterine device (IUD or "coil") and the like into the uterus. Insertion into the urethra - for males or females - of a catheter, opaque dye for diagnostic imaging, medication or solutions for cleansing the bladder". Therefore, this woman does not need to make up for the day in which she received the mentioned examination, unless there are some other reasons for that. However, we inform that it is better to undertake such examination after breaking the fast. As a general rule, a woman is not allowed to receive treatment from a male doctor except if there is no female doctor and she is in dire need for that treatment.
Allah knows best.

(Taken from : USIM Fatwa Management System)

With regards to vaginal examinations, Mufti Ebrahim Desai states: “If no medication has been inserted into the vagina, the fast will not be broken. If any gel or other substance was inserted into the vagina, the fast will break. Ultrasound scanning does not invalidate the fast.” With regards to injections, the Mufti states: “It is permissible to take an injection during fasting. The injection does not nullify the fast. (Ahsanul Fataawa vol.4 pg.432).”

My conclusion on this topic is although the transvaginal ultrasound itself will not broke the fast, for the ultrasound procedure, normally the doctor will put some gel such as KY Jelly to ease the scanning process. According to Mufti Ebrahim Desai, it is not allowed although the gel was used just as lubricant.

Dealing with Life’s Challenges and Difficulties

We all come across various difficulties in our lives. However, not all of us handle them as effectively as we should. As strategies for getting through life’s problems are rarely formally learned, we are constrained to use trial and error, sometimes leading to suboptimal results.

Dealing effectively with our difficulties and problems requires appropriate emotional control, acceptance of realities, charting out a course of action, and finally taking preventive measures to keep future problems at bay. Thus, arming ourselves with the right intellectual, mental, and spiritual strategies to get through these phases can help us achieve successful breakthroughs.

Let’s go over those steps in more detail.

The Emotional Response

An emotional response to a difficulty or calamity is normal and only human. However, emotions have to be managed and channeled appropriately; else they can manifest negatively within our personalities and affect our lives in general. Research, too, confirms that emotionally-reactive individuals confronting even relatively minor challenges in their lives are prone to increased physical problems and diseases.

One potential way people channel their emotions is to act them out uncontrollably and irresponsibly. In such situations, the prophet (peace be upon him) instructed us to exercise patience and to maintain a composed demeanor instead. When his son Ibrahim was dying, the prophet’s eyes filled with tears. Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Awf said, ‘Are you weeping when you have forbidden us to weep?’ The Prophet said, ‘I do not forbid weeping. What I have forbidden is two foolish and evil kinds of voices: voices at times of entertainment and play and the flutes of the Shaytaan, and voices at times of calamity and scratching the face and rending the garments and screaming.’” [Al-Tirmidhi, al-Bayhaqi in al-Sunan al-Kubra (4/69), classed as hasan by al-Albaani]

In other cases, emotions are channeled to fester, which then leads to the development of a victimized mindset. You may not realize it, but believing that your life is a teary saga may be the anchor weighing you down and preventing you from moving forward.

So, be conscious of how you channel your emotions. You can temper them with positive thinking and a strong faith. If you show any signs of having a victimized mindset then you need to snap out of it and adopt a more positive and reality based mindset instead. That can put you on the right path to get out of your difficulties faster.

Trying to make sense of the difficulties

The divine decree: When facing difficulties, our weak faith can sometimes drive us to question the fairness of it all. In this context, we should remind ourselves that believing in al-Qadr (Allah’s divine will and decree) is one of the pillars of Islamic faith. As the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, it means belief in (1) Allah, (2) Angels, (3) revealed Holy Books (Quran, Bible, Torah, etc.), (4) His Messengers, (4) Day of Judgment, and (5) to believe in al-qadar (the divine decree) both good and bad. Allah also says in the Quran, “No calamity befalls on the earth or in your selves but it is inscribed in the Book of Decrees (Al?Lawh Al?Mahfooz) before We bring it into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allah.” [al-Hadeed 57:22].

As part of that belief, we should therefore recognize that Allah does what He wills for reasons that are only known to Him. Any attempt to comprehend with our limited minds His wisdom, or to understand how our current situation fits in His overall plan can only lead us to erroneous conclusions.

The “If-Only” Trap: Another trap that many of us fall into has to do with using the “if-only” logic. Very often, our minds tell us that “if I could have done such and such, then this wouldn’t have happened.” The prophet warned us against falling into such satanic traps. In a hadith narrated by Abu Hurayrah, the prophet remarked,

“…….If anything befalls you, do not say ‘If only I had done (such and such), the such and such would have happened,’ rather say: ‘Allah has decreed and what He wills He does,’ for ‘if only’ opens the door to the work of the shaytaan.” Narrated by Muslim (2664).

We see another example of this during the battle of Uhud when many Muslims died. This gave the hypocrites an excuse to criticize the divine decree. But Allah refuted their claims by stating (interpretation of the meaning): “Say: ‘Even if you had remained in your homes, those for whom death was decreed would certainly have gone forth to the place of their death’”. [Aal ‘Imraan 3:154].

This further goes to show that what Allah decrees is inevitable. Any attempt to imagine a different outcome based on different actions that we could have taken in the past will only increase our frustrations. This belief is also a blessing because it prevents us from returning to the past that can result in nothing but an added emotional baggage.

In this context, many among us also resort to blaming people, including those close to us. This blaming attitude in turn nurtures a mindset where people (even within families) resist future temptations to recommend anything or engage in an open dialogue. This not only weakens communications amongst people but also causes irreparable rifts and a loss of trust between them.

To summarize, accepting the divine decree can help us in not only forgoing the past but to also win Allah’s pleasure. Suppressing our urge to blame others by maintaining a positive mindset can help us maintain healthy relationships and in also keeping good recommendations and advice flowing.

Getting yourself out of trouble

Having accepted Allah’s decree, and after getting over any emotional challenges, the next step involves taking the right actions to get us out of our problems and difficulties. Actively engaging our God gifted faculties to pull us out of such situations is not as common as one may think. Thus, many a time we fail to achieve successful breakthroughs because we either follow a haphazard approach to resolve our problems or give up on our efforts too early in the process. This leads us to get stalled and makes us regard situations as irresolvable, hoping and praying for miracles to pull us out.

If you find yourself in such situations, this may be the time to rethink your overall approach. You see, most of us are accustomed to looking for “silver bullet” types of solutions. However, such solutions aren’t that many and thus can’t be relied on to get you out of your life’s challenges. Adopting a realistic but methodical approach instead has a better chance of putting you closer to your desired outcomes.

This requires that you take time to define the problems and difficulties that you face with increased clarity and specificity. This is bound to yield better results because you will get clearer about the outcomes that you desire. You will also be able to clearly delineate the constituent tasks that potentially can put you closer to your desired solution. Follow those tasks through to the end with perseverance and patience and you may reduce the load of your problems.

On the spiritual front, we should recognize that if Allah puts us through trials or punishes us because of our sins, the decision is His. However, as highlighted in another post on this site, seeking forgiveness through repentance (Istighfar) can help undo the damage of our sins. As the prophet (peace be upon him) said: “whoever does a lot of Istighfar, Allah will provide him a way out of each concern he has, and will solve all his troubles, and will provide him with livelihood from sources that were not known to him” (Narrated by Imam Ahmad, Sanad Sahih.)

Preventive measures

Finally, although Allah’s decree is ordained, there are things we can do beforehand to influence the outcome of our efforts, and thus prevent problems from piling up. First, we should never forget that Allah has provided us with a free will and associated faculties to think and act. As the prophet had stated, while we should fully trust Allah, we should tie our horse first – meaning we should use all our God-gifted faculties and exercise the required due diligence.

Second, for cases in which we fumble to choose between options, we should exercise the use of the Istikhara prayers. The text of the dua recited in those prayers clearly reflects your plea to Allah to make the desired decision work for you if it’s good for you, or to ward it off if it’s not. By doing so, you consciously put your faith in Him to guide you. This will reduce the likelihood of you ending up with a failed outcome and thus an added burden for you to carry in the future.

Conclusion

To summarize, remember that effectively channeling your emotions, letting go of a negative past, maximizing the use of your God-gifted faculties, and above all a strong faith can help you attain the wisdom that life demands from you to get through even the most difficult challenges. Just ensure that you get serious about resisting the old attitudes and inculcate a positive mindset to propel you forward.

(Iqrasense.com)

Five Reasons why Allah uses problems

The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you – depending on how you respond to them. Unfortunately, most people fail to see how Allah wants to use problems for good in their lives. They react foolishly and resent their problems rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring.

Here are five ways Allah wants to use the problems in your life:

1. Allah uses problems to DIRECT you.

Sometimes God must light a fire under you to get you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your attention? "Sometimes it takes a painful situation to
make us change our ways."

2. Allah uses problems to INSPECT you.

People are like tea bags.if you want to know what's inside them, just drop them into hot ever water! Has God tested your faith with a problem. What do problems reveal about you? "When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience."

3. Allah uses problems to CORRECT you.

Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It's likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch a hot stove.. But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we only learn the value of something. health, money, a relationship.. .. by losing it. "It was the best thing that could have happened to me, for it taught me to pay attention to your laws."

4. Allah uses problems to PROTECT you.

A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something more serious.. Last year a friend was fired for refusing to do something unethical that his boss had asked him to do. His unemployment was a problem - but it saved him from being convicted and sent to prison a year later when management's actions were eventually discovered. "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good."

5. Allah uses problems to PERFECT you.

Problems, when responded to correctly, are character builders. God is far more interested in your character than your comfort. Your relationship to God and your character are the only two things you're going to take with you into eternity. "We can rejoice when we run into problems.they help us learn to be patient.. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady."

Here's the point:
God is at work in your life - even when you do not recognize it or understand it.

But it's much easier and profitable when you cooperate with Him.

"Success can be measured not only in achievements, but in lessons learned, lives touched and moments shared along the way"

Allah Knows Best.

Claim: Approved

Received letter today mentioning that my claim is approved. So will be getting the payment maybe in 2 weeks time. Alhamdullillah.

Allah’s plan was superb. He gave me government job and let me going through treatment under government clinic, spent a lot and get claim for it and re-use the money again for my treatment. Masya Allah! Yeay! Not going to miss any treatment in near future, fasting month is coming… definitely need to take a break during that time.

P/S- I’ve started to fast today… since im not under any treatment this month, im hoping to fast as many as possible before start the treatment again which have to do TVS (TransVaginal Ultrasound). 1 down, 14 to go!

Ease after hardship

 

لِيُنْفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِنْ سَعَتِهِ وَمَنْ قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنْفِقْ مِمَّا آَتَاهُ اللَّهُ لَا

يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا مَا آَتَاهَا سَيَجْعَلُ اللَّهُ بَعْدَ عُسْرٍ يُسْرًا

(At Talaaq 65:7) Whoever has abundant means, let him spend according to his means; and he whose means are straitened, let him spend out of what Allah has given him. Allah does not burden any human being beyond the means that He has bestowed upon him. Possibly Allah will grant ease after hardship.

 

 

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

 

(Ash-Sharh 94:5) Indeed, there is ease with hardship.

(Ash-Sharh 94:6) Most certainly, there is ease with hardship. *4

*4 This has been repeated twice so as to reassure the Holy Prophet that the bad times hp was passing through at that time would not last for ever, but were going to be replaced by good times in the near future. On the surface this appears to be a contradiction that hardship should be accompanied by ease, for these two things do not co-exist. But the words "hardship with ease" instead of "ease after hardship" have been used in the sense that the period of ease is so close to it as if it were a concomitant of it

Buah Zuriat / Buah Hawa

‘Buah Zuriat’ or ‘Buah Hawa’ is something that only available in Mecca. It is for those who are having difficulties in getting pregnant like us. So, i asked my friend to buy it for me and alhamdullillah, i’ve received it few months back.


Its not easy to get to the content of it. It is very2 hard! I have to get the help of my friend (since we dont have the big chopper at home) and also the help of DH.


 

This is how the ‘Buah Zuriat’ is look like! 

 

The first layer of it. The full force was used to get till this stage. 

The final layer… with the help of my friend. 

There is a lot of methods to boil and drink it. It is advisable to boil 2 fruit together. What i did was, boil it and put it in the jug (i boil once every week and not daily). I did recite the following doa to it :-

• AL-ANBIYA'AYAT 89 - Doa Nabi Zakariya

وَزَكَرِيَّا إِذْ نَادَى رَبَّهُ رَبِّ لَا تَذَرْنِي فَرْدًا وَأَنْتَ

خَيْرُ الْوَارِثِينَ

(21:89) And (We showed a favour) to Zacharias, when he invoked his Lord, saying, "O Lord, do not leave me childless though Thou alone art the best Inheritor".

• AL-IMRAN AYAT 38

هُنَالِكَ دَعَا زَكَرِيَّا رَبَّهُ قَالَ رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنْ

لَدُنْكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبَةً إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ الدُّعَاءِ

(3:38) Then Zechariah prayed to his Lord: 'O Lord! Grant me from Yourself out of Your grace the gift of a goodly offspring, for indeed You alone heed all Prayers.'

• AL-ANBIYA'AYAT 30

أَوَلَمْ يَرَ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا أَنَّ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضَ

كَانَتَا رَتْقًا فَفَتَقْنَاهُمَا وَجَعَلْنَا مِنَ الْمَاءِ كُلَّ شَيْءٍ

حَيٍّ أَفَلَا يُؤْمِنُونَ

(21:30) Have not the people, who have disbelieved (the Message), ever considered this: the heavens and the earth were at first one mass; then We parted them,  and created every living thing from water?  Do they not acknowledge (that this is Our Creation)?

 

And we, husband and wife been/will drinking it until this Friday = 44 days (or till the color change to clear water). Started to drink it from the first day (CD1) from my previous cycle. Adding water to it and boiling it when needed.

Well, Im just trying my level best :)

Infertility: Islamic Perspective – 3 ; Male doctor

I was always curious and guilty about is it still allowed to engage with a male doctor for ttc related matters. Although i asked for the female doc, i couldn't get since lack of female doctors. When i was looking for some other information, i found this.

“If there is a legal reason for the woman to be exposed to a person other than her husband for treatment, that person should be a Muslim woman if there is one who can do the job; if not found, then a non-Muslim woman; if not found then a trustworthy Muslim doctor; if not found then a non-Muslim doctor. This is the legal sequence. It is unlawful for the patient woman to stay alone with an alien male doctor. Her husband or another woman should be with them. The council also states that: "the need of the married woman as well as her husband to have a child is a sound reason and a legal one that makes lawful for this woman to seek treatment in the lawful way of artificial insemination.”.

So womans out there… dont feel guilty if you have to deal with male doctor as long the doctor is Muslim and when the treatment was being done, always been accompanied by nurse or your husband. Feeling the real relieved now!

Taken from Islamweb

CD 2

Its CD 2 today and called LPPKN for an appointment. The nurse said the lab is still not ready and its better for me to proceed next cycle. The last medicated cycle was back in November. Obstacles came in so many ways… even in getting treatment? How to take it positively in this situation? Allah asking me to wait?

Infertility: Islamic Perspective – 2 : Treatments that allowed!

By Dr Aaishah Hamdan

In the previous edition, we presented Imaan's story in the struggle to conceive as well as various lessons that can be learned through such experiences. In this article, we will outline several issues that infertile couples often encounter, along with an Islamic perspective on each of these. It is important to point out that attempting to cure infertility is not only permissible, but may be a duty for the couple since procreation and preservation of the human race are principal goals in marriage. The treatment itself, however, should never go beyond the boundaries of what is permissible by Allaah. The ends do not always justify the means, and in the case of infertility, this principle should be readily apparent.

Allaah Almighty Says what means: “And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship...” [Quran 46: 15]

Choice of procedures

In today's world of medical technology and advancement, there are many options available for couples who are struggling with infertility. Unfortunately, many of these options are morally and religiously unacceptable. Muslims need to be aware of the procedures that are allowed in Islam and those that are not. In general, it is easy to remember that any procedure that makes use of sperm or eggs that do not belong to the husband or wife is absolutely unacceptable in Islam. This would entail making use of what is commonly termed donor eggs or donor sperm. The obvious reasons for their prohibition is that they involve mixing of lineage, confusion as to who the real parents are and, in reality, an illegitimate child. The virtue of preserving genealogy is evident in the Quran. Allaah Almighty Says what means: " And it is He who has created from water a human being and made him [a relative by] lineage and marriage. And ever is your Lord competent [concerning creation]." [Quran 25: 54]

Two permissible methods are as follows:

1)      IUI (Intra-Uterine Insemination) wherein the sperm of the husband is taken and injected into a suitable place in the cervix or womb of the wife so that fertilization can take place internally, and

2)      IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) wherein the sperm is taken from the husband, and an egg is taken from the wife. Fertilization is done externally, and then the embryo is implanted in the womb of the wife. IUI is often used when the husband has low sperm count, or has normal sperm but is unable to deposit them in the genital tract for some reason. IVF may be used when there is some type of obstruction preventing access of the sperm to the ovum, which could occur in cases where one or both fallopian tubes are blocked and cannot be corrected by surgery.

An important issue to consider with IVF is that there a strong likelihood that not all of the fertilized eggs will be placed into the uterus. The goal of an IVF cycle is to harvest 15-20 eggs. Not all of these will fertilize successfully, but usually more than two or three will (which is the standard number implanted into the woman). This leaves the parents with two choices:

1)      Discard the remaining embryos or

2)      Freeze these embryos for future use (it would not be allowed to donate these for other couples). This issue leads to several questions, "Does a fertilized egg constitute a child, thereby making the act of discarding it Haraam?  Is this a form of abortion? Most scholars have used the following definition of abortion, "Abortion means to terminate the life of the fetus deliberately, by any means, while it is still in the womb of the mother." The debate regarding abortion centers around the definition of fetus and not the womb, and so it would not apply to the IVF process since the fertilized egg is not in the womb.

It is necessary to note that this type of procedure is only permitted within the marriage contract, which is broken by death or divorce. If the husband dies, for example, the woman is not allowed to make use of these stored embryos since there is no longer a marital bond. She is, in fact, able to marry another man after the waiting period is completed. A child conceived in this situation would be denied its right to legitimacy.

Multi-Fetal Reduction

Another debatable issue is the use of multi-fetal reduction (terminating one or more of the embryos after implantation) which may arise when a woman becomes fertilized with more than one or two embryos. Scholars are in disagreement on this particular point. Some state its permissibility due to the medical risk for the mother, and others do not, basing their opinion upon the definition of abortion. It then becomes a decision that must be made between husband and wife with reliance upon their own thoughts and feelings about this issue after trusting in Allaah and seeking His Guidance.

Imaan related that this type of phenomenon is rare since most clinics implant only two or three embryos at one time. This is likely to become the norm as clinics continue to develop standards to minimize the risks for mothers and their unborn fetuses. The issue of multi-fetal reduction will eventually lose its relevance as times goes on.

Surrogate motherhood

In recent years a new approach to infertility has developed that has sparked debates regarding its acceptability, legality and morality.

Surrogate motherhood or surrogate parenting involves making use of another woman's womb to bear a child for a couple who is having difficulty conceiving. This is most commonly used when a woman is unable to bear children due to blocked fallopian tubes or an absent or defective uterus. In one method, the surrogate mother is impregnated by the husband's semen, which, as outlined above, would be completely unacceptable in Islam. In another method, fertilization is completed externally between the sperm and egg of the couple and then the embryo is placed in the uterus of a woman who volunteers or is paid to carry it. The questions that then arise are "Who is the real mother of this child?", "Is the mother the one who contributed the genes or the one who bore and gave birth to the child?" This separation of the womb relation from the ovary relationship is a new phenomenon and lies at the center of the debate regarding surrogation. Various conclusions have been reached, but what is the Islamic perspective on this option?

Throughout the Quran, there are many references to the concept of motherhood. We find the following as examples. Allaah Almighty Says what mean:

"…Their mothers are none but those who gave birth to them..." [Quran 58:2]

"And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months..." [Quran 46: 15]

"And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination." [Quran 31:14]

In the Arabic language the term that is used for parents is derived from the verb "Wilaada" which means to give birth. "Waalid" is the father and "Waalidah" is the mother. Both parents are "Waalidaan." We are related to both the ovary and the womb of our mother, but the references in the Quran clearly emphasize the womb relation by stating that mothers are those who gave birth to us. The womb or uterus is "Rahim" ("Arhom" is the' plural) in Arabic and refers to a "value" based on relatives and the tie of compassion that binds them. "Rahmah" is another derivative, which means compassion.

Allaah Almighty Says what means: "O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allaah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allaah is ever, over you, an Observer.." [Quran 4: 1]

"So would you perhaps, if you turned away, cause corruption on earth and sever your [ties of] relationship?" [Quran 47: 22]

So, again, we see the significance of the womb relationship and the understanding that the one who gives birth is the mother of the child. A child born under a surrogate contract would be illegitimate in Islamic law since the husband had not entered into a marital contract with the surrogate mother. Even if the surrogate mother were another wife of the husband, it would still not be allowed since this entails introducing a foreign egg, which is outside the marriage contract binding the husband and his second wife.

In addition to all of this, the contract entered into through surrogation would be considered Baatil (invalid) since it involves the "sale" of a free person. Some final points to consider are the evils that may result from this type of contract such as: reducing motherhood to a price, undermining the institution of marriage and family life, creating confusion in blood ties, encouraging surrogate mothers to claim legal rights to the child, and tampering with the Sunan of Allaah in the normal process of procreation.

Inshaa` Allaah (Allaah willing), we will all be guided to the truth and to those actions that are within the limits of Allaah's Law and which deserve Allaah's Pleasure. May Allaah bestow upon those who desire the role of mother or father from His bounties, for parenthood is truly a blessing that warrants gratitude and prostration to the Creator each and every day.

Infertility: Islamic Perspective – 1

By Dr Aaishah Hamdan

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you would do anything to get it? Would you spend all of your time and money just to get that one thing? Have you ever felt a yearning that would never go away? Would you pray so often and so intense that tears would come to your eyes? Read the following story to find out the struggles that some couples face:

Imaan's story

“I always knew I wanted children – maybe because I come from a large family. When I was looking for a husband, how he dealt with children was very important to me. In fact, seeing how my husband handled someone's newborn baby was what made me interested in talking to him about marriage. After being married about two years we started trying to have children. We tried for about one year to get me pregnant. With no success, we went to a reproductive health clinic so my husband and I could get tested. (It is normal to take that long to conceive, so, unless there is an obvious problem, most clinics will not test before the couple has tried for one year). Many different tests were done. The doctors only found a minor problem that they assumed would be easy to deal with. We thought that I would get pregnant quickly and were very hopeful.

At this time, we decided to go with a procedure called Intra-Uterine Insemination or IUI. After one trial of IUI in the United States, we moved to Kuwait. It was at this time that I saw a picture above the steps to that clinic in Kuwait. On it was the following Quranic verses which mean: "To Allaah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females and He renders barren whomever He wills. Verily, He is the all-Knower and is Able to do all things." [Quran 42:49-50]

It was a reminder that whatever was to happen would be the will of Allaah and that I would accept whatever he had planned for me. After two more IUIs I was pregnant. With my doctor's permission, I went to Makkah for `Umrah. While there, I began bleeding and was told that I'd had a miscarriage. However, after returning to Kuwait, I experienced spotting and pains on my right side. While it was thought that I'd had a miscarriage, it turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy. Surgery was carried out and they were able to save the tube since they had caught the pregnancy early enough. I was grateful they saved my tube, but was becoming disappointed. I think I had not yet really accepted Allaah's will or learned to appreciate all the things I was able to do because I did not have children (help start an Islamic school, study in an intensive Arabic program, go for `Umrah at the last minute, etc).

We went back to the states for a consultation and then returned to Kuwait where we completed 2 more IUIs and then a trial of IVF or In-Vitro Fertilization. Al-Hamdulillaah, I got pregnant from the IVF trial. Sadly though, after six weeks we lost the baby through miscarriage. It was after this trial that I really started to be more accepting of Allaah's will. I found ways to cope with the many side effects of the drugs used in the procedures (moodiness, night sweats, and sadness). I realized that getting pregnant may take a while. (Not getting pregnant ever was still kept in the back of my mind.) With the acceptance of Allaah's will came the ability to consider more seriously what my life would be like without children, to focus on the positive possibilities of this outcome, and what I would be able to contribute to the community with the available time. We went back to the States again and did 4 more trials of IUI. At one point during the IUIs we were faced with the issue of Multi-Fetal Reduction, as my ovaries had produced too many eggs so there was a slight possibility of multiples if I were to get pregnant. We spoke with a scholar in the field and he related that the scholars disagree on this topic. We were told that we needed to make our own decision. This was a difficult issue to deal with, but I knew if I had multiples there was no way I could do it. (I didn't get pregnant, so we never had to make that choice). We then did a trial of IVF with ICSI. This too was unsuccessful. More sadness and disappointment; then again, acceptance. And, while others didn't like to hear us say it, we were beginning to accept the fact that we may not ever have our own children. We still kept trying, but had accepted Allaah's will - whatever it may be. We then moved to another state and found a clinic that was well-known for its pioneering work in the field of infertility. We did one IVF trial there with different drug combinations and I became pregnant. Al-Hamdulillaah! After four years and lots of prayer we had finally obtained what we wanted. Al-Hamdulillaah, the pregnancy went well and we were blessed with a beautiful baby boy.

My advice to anyone trying: be informed about the drugs and the procedures, be prepared to have this as a big part of your life (for a while anyway), know that there will be ups and downs, be patient with "fertile" people's advice (especially when they try not to think about it, but every is structured around shots or ultrasounds), try and appreciate of gifts/opportunities Allaah has given you, and most of all know that Allaah is with you and He is the best planner your life."

Islamic lessons to be learned

Gratitude: For those who are able to have children and enjoy them, it is important to remember that they are gifts from Allaah. We should always be grateful for what Allaah has given to us and not take these things for granted.  The sight of a newborn baby should make us awe at Allaah's Power and how to His Generosity. How many times have we looked at our children and really thanked Allaah for them? How many times have people complimented us on our children and we have said Al-Hamdulillaah rather than feeling pride. Gratefulness is an important characteristic of a believer. There are many verses in the Quran of this nature. Allaah Says (what means): "So remember Me; I will remember you. And be grateful to Me and do not deny me." [Quran 2:152]

Patience: Mankind is tested in many ways. The believers are those who are steadfast during times of trial and adversity. The Prophet said: "Wonderful is the case of a believer - there is good for him in everything, and this is only for the believer. If he experiences a blessing, he is grateful to Allaah - which is good for him; and if he experiences an adversity, he is patient - which is also good for him." [Muslim] 

Infertility is obviously a burdensome trial given to certain men and women, and those who remain patient and steadfast in faith will be the successful. "Indeed, Allaah is with those who are patient."

Remembrance of Allaah's Will:

The verses from the chapter of Ash-Shoora summarize this point. Allaah Almighty Says what means: "He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills." [Quran 42: 50]

All that happens in this life emanates from the will of Allaah. Oftentimes we have to accept this even if we find it difficult and are unaware of the wisdom behind such happening. This also means that others should not shun, shame, or ostracize a woman or man who is experiencing infertility. This is something, in particular, that husbands should remember in relation to their wives as demonstrated in the stories of Ibraaheem and Zakariyya (outlined below). This is the will of Allaah and we are not in a position to judge others, particularly for something over which they have no control. Allaah Knows what is best for His creation.

Understanding: The Prophet said: “Whatever trouble, illness, anxiety, grief, pain or sorrow afflicts a Muslim even if it is the pricking of a thorn - Allaah removes in its places some of his sins." 

The first understanding to have is that through pain, sadness, and struggle comes the reward from Allaah, The Exalted, and expiation for sins. The struggle itself then becomes a blessing from Allaah, although we may not be aware of this and it may be difficult for us to comprehend. The second understanding is that Allaah has a plan and a reason for all things. One example is that of `Aa`ishah RA the wife of the Prophet . `Aa`ishah was young, but she did not have children.

The wisdom behind this may be that Allaah had another purpose for her. One only needs to look at the numerous Hadeeths that she transmitted and the knowledge that she shared throughout her lifetime to understand what this purpose may have been. There are other areas of life beyond child-rearing where a person can share his or her talents and skills.

Hopefulness and Reliance upon Allaah: It is important to never despair of the Mercy of Allaah and to always remain hopeful that Allaah will change the situation. Making Du`aa` (supplication) is essential in relation to this. There are several stories in the Quran that present beautiful lessons for mankind. The first is about Ibraaheem and his wife Saarah, may Allaah exalt their mention: "And his wife was standing (there) and she laughed: But we gave her glad tidings of Isaac and after him, of Jacob. She said "Alas for me! Shall I bear a child, seeing I am an old woman, and my husband here, is an old man? That indeed would be a wonderful thing!" They said: "Do you wonder at Allaah's decree? The grace of Allaah and His blessings on you, O you people of the house! For He is indeed worthy of all praise, full of Glory!" [Quran 11:71-73]

The second is of Zakariyya and his wife, may Allaah exalt their mention: "There did Zakariyya pray to his Lord, saying: "O my Lord! Grant unto me from You a progeny that is pure: for You are He that hears prayer! While he was standing in prayer in the chamber, the angels called unto him: "Allaah gives thee glad tidings of Yahya, witnessing the truth of a Word from Allaah, and (be besides) noble, chaste, and a prophet,-of the (goodly) company of the righteous." He said: "O my Lord! How shall I have son, seeing I am very old, and my wife is barren?" "Thus," was the answer, "Does Allaah accomplish what He wills." [Quran 3:38-40]  "[This is] a recital of the Mercy of your Lord to His servant Zakariyya. Behold! He cried to his Lord in secret, Praying: "O my Lord! Infirm indeed are my bones, and the hair of my head does glisten with gray: but never am I unblest, O my Lord, in my prayer to You!" [Quran 19:2-4]

"And (remember) Zakariyya, when he cried to his Lord: "O my Lord! Leave me not without offspring, though thou art the best of inheritors." So We listened to him: and We granted him Yahya: We cured his wife's (Barrenness) for him. These (three) were ever quick in emulation in good works; they used to call on Us with love and reverence, and humble themselves before Us." [Quran 21:89-90]

There are several lessons to be learned from these stories, but the main one is that even in the seemingly most impossible circumstances, Allaah may answer our prayers and bless us from his bounty. Both Saarah and Ishba were barren for many years, but nothing is beyond Allaah's Power to control. We should obviously not obsess ourselves about having children to the point where it is harmful for ourselves and others, but we should continue to accept Allaah's Destiny, remain firm in our faith, and maintain hopefulness. If Allaah does not bless us with children in this life, we have the next life to look forward to. It is important to remember that our goal in this life is to obtain Paradise in the Hereafter. This life is but a fleeting moment in the cycle of existence.

The Prophet said: "Surely I know a verse (from the Quran) which, if people would have followed it, would have sufficed for them concerning everything (in life): `For those who fear Allaah, He provides a way out for them (for everything, and) He also provides them provisions from (sources) that they could never have imagined." [(65:2-3); Ahmad and Ibn Maajah]

Note: Reading this really gives peace of mind... Allah doesnt give child to Aisyah RA too... how come i forgot that all this while? She has other things to concentrate and help Prophet instead raising a child. But as far as i know, she does babysit her niece :)

Rewards

HADITH 34

Rasulullah [Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam] said: "The woman whose three children die and she patiently bears this tragedy, in the hope of reward, will be granted jannah. One woman enquired what the reward of two children was? He replied "The same reward."

HADITH 35

One Sahabi (R.A.) enquired about the reward of one child? He replied "This also carries tremendous rewards."

HADITH 36

Rasulullah [Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam] said: "Even the miscarried foetus will drag it's mother towards jannah if she exercised patience with the hope of acquiring rewards."

 

Footnote: I never had foetus or any miscarriages and no babies… so… tiada doa dr anak2! sob sob sob.