Jealous

I am successfully pass the 1st trimester although its been tough for me.

I am still get jealous when:

• Those who  just got married announce their pregnancy
• When i told some of my close friends about my pregnancy, they update me with their 2nd or 3rd child pregnancy news
• When people update their 'happy family' pictures on facebook

Mine was not easy as them ...

Some of the injections that been used

 To all my TTC friends...

Midge

Walmart once introduced Midge, Barbie’s pregnant friend, in the toy department. Sure. Barbie’s friend can get pregnant but you are still stuck in the infertile aisle.

(Source: 999reasontolaugh )

Congratulations

It looks like more and more TTC friends are getting pregnant. Alhamdullillah and congrats to Ummi, Tinie, Mummy Tiesya and Cikcokelat. It creates more hope to the others to have that little faith ‘My time will come soon’.

Apart from that, the fertile ones don't want to be left out. Yesterday, i received 2 sms about the giving birth and this morning another one which i don't even knew they were pregnant. The only thing that was in my mind was, ‘Oh, its that season again’.

Maa Banne Wale Hai

Maa Banne Wale Hai - (going to be a mother).

Who?

Aiswarya Rai –the miss world. I like her so much for her acting, her dance, courage and of course for her beauty. I’ve been waiting for this news since they married back in 2007 (same yr as mine) but only yesterday Amitabh Bachan confirm the news on his twitter.

I should be happy for her.

I am sitting on the couch, sobbing uncontrollably. instead!

Who’s next? Datuk Siti Nurhaliza?

Jangan tertipu dengan dunia

Chatted with my best friend (male) on Friday night. He married end of last year and his wife is currently pregnant. Since i’ve known that she’s pregnant, i dont talk to him much coz i might not be a supporter for him when he talk about pregnancy and so on. So here’s the conversation – in Malay.

Report · 8:34pm

hi

pikabo?

hws life?

dah ada baby?

 

Report · 9:16pm

im ok n still without bby

 

Report · 9:21pm

yeke ok...senyap ja

 

Report · 9:28pm

yela, xmo ganggu hg

mesti hg bz sokmo

 

Report · 9:28pm

awatlak?

 

Report · 9:28pm

bini kan preg

 

Report · 9:28pm

tak jugak...

itu betol...

bru p check up kat specialist...

no problem...

 

Report · 9:29pm

bilaa due?

 

Report · 9:29pm

18/08...

 

Report · 9:29pm

ooh ok

 

Report · 9:30pm

tak p mana ka?'

 

Report · 9:30pm

xpun

actually aku saja menyendiri to be in my own cave

 

Report · 9:31pm

y is dat?

 

Report · 9:31pm

xtau camana nk ckp

im in a state where its diff to face ppl in daily life

 

Report · 9:32pm

y?

 

Report · 9:32pm

so aku menyendiri

and feels better

erm..

 

Report · 9:33pm

hg kat mana lani?

 

Report · 9:33pm

kt umah la

mana lagi

cam soklan hg td

its a sensitive q for me

aku xsalahkan hg

tp its difficult for me

 

Report · 9:34pm

rileks la...

ada kebaikan lain kot...

 

Report · 9:34pm

i know

aku pun faham

but.. its hard to swallow those yg br kahwin smua preg

mungkin sensitivity laki lain kot on this matter

so i need time to convince my mind

tu jer

mesti hg tak faham apa2 kan

hehe

 

Report · 9:36pm

actually

mmg pressure kot

 

Report · 9:37pm

sgt2

 

Report · 9:37pm

apa solution skarg?

 

Report · 9:38pm

solution nya... i see the hikmah for not having kids yet and maybe i might not have any in future

mungkin akan ada...when the right time comes

 

Report · 9:39pm

aku dekat bk5

dok cari umah nak beli

 

Report · 9:39pm

cuma aku perlukan strength untuk menghadapi idup seharian ni

 

Report · 9:40pm

minum milo

 

Report · 9:40pm

blah la hg

minum milo buat per

and now i envy of ur life

:p

 

Report · 9:41pm

y?

 

Report · 9:41pm

settled and now dok cari rumah plak

 

Report · 9:41pm

setlled?

on in heaven/hell

jgn tertipu ngn dunia

:)

 

Report · 9:42pm

dunia is still important gak

 

Report · 9:43pm

live like waiting for a bus...

sedikit yg cukup utk bersyukur lebih baik dri byk dan melalaikan

aku tak suka tgk hg dok sedih2...

nti kita bual lain...

aku nak p mandi kuar...

catch u later...

 

This friend of mine, never failed to make me feel good. Its a big word “Jangan tertipu dengan dunia”. Im searching so many answers for so many questions in this world and he gave me one answer. We tends to see other ppl’s happiness and their beautiful life but we never realize that dunia is just temporary and there is something far more better waiting in hereafter.

Thank you G for the short conversation and sorry for putting it here (i did edit some of it). Its for me to look back and get my strength again and again each time i fall.

I want

TWINS!!!

 

Reality Check: Cant even afford a singleton, but dreaming of twins!

Dont mess

This morning was started with baby delivering stories during my breakfast. Its a very complete detail until one can usually visualize what actually happen at the labor room. Is it unethical to walk off when i don't feel like listening any further?

The infertile mind is not logical. Don’t mess with an infertile. – 999reasonstolaugh

11/11/11

People keep on updating their facebook and twitter saying “Planning to get an 11/11/11 baby? This is your week! Good luck :)”. Its so so annoying! It must be so easy for them. They may be able to plan when they want the baby… but dont they know that they can only plan? There’s someone else who plays a big role? The God?? ..and not everyone is lucky as them?

Woah!

Are we in the baby making season? Or is it because the government of Malaysia announce the 3 months maternity leave instead of the 2 months everyone racing to get pregnant this year? It looks like almost everyone is preggo! Last week, i called a friend of mine, we lost touch for quite sometime. She, always used to told me that she dont want another baby, she already had 1 son (4 years). But, she is now currently pregnant 4 months.

Apart from my best friend, a cousin of me called me up and was catching up with me and of course she announce the pregnancy of her 3rd child is coming on the way!

I was away from work last week, for out of office works, and today when im back to my normal routine, another colleague of mine, already announced the pregnancy last week and i just got to know.

Well, when im typing this post, just saw another ‘nausea’ status at one of the friends status… her 2nd baby is on the way.

Anyone else???

Wow! Congratulations to all of you and thanks for making me more insane!

Left Out

Sorry, this post again my rambling about my so called ‘beautiful and interesting’ infertility life. At this point of time, i am so down. Chatted with a good friend of mine, who happen to be male, who told me, ‘my wife is pregnant’ 3 months. I seriously don't know how to react. Thankfully the conversation was through online, so he could not see my face reaction.

In my circle of friends, every one has moved on to the next stage of their life. Me, being among those who married early in that group, still stuck in the middle of no where. I feel left out totally. I don't know how to react to them when i meet them in person. Although i always ended up so caring asking about how their pregnancy going on, I'm not sure is my face looked normal or not.

They have the common things to talk about, pregnancies, babies. nursery and schools. I am left out, although i always join in the conversation, specially in the office when all the other ladies are either pregnant or already have babies, its not from my own experience. All from my observations which cant be real experiences!

My mind started to see who else in my circle of friends/relative who’s still childless and yeah… there is one friend of mine who got married 2 months early b4 me. Called her and talked to her for a while. She seems very strong and confident. I wish I can be like her…

On the other note, another male friend of me asked hows life going. I answered ‘so so’ and this is what i got reply from him.

life is quite unpredictable, but telling the truth i always admire u. u are a brave girl!

Didnt expect that answer from him at all!

Receive 2 positive energy from 2 different people today. Hope it helps to divert my mind :)

Why?

• Why it must be this hard to be a mom?
• Why all i see is pregnant women who ‘accidently’ got pregnant when they don't even try?
• Why all those who doesn't want kids blessed with kids while those who dying to have at least one doesn't even close to pregnancy?
• Why there are lots of people still throw away their babies within the hours of the birth?
• Why people still go for abortions??
• Why there is no shortcuts to be pregnant for IF?
• Why my heart is so heavy and i feel like want to cry out loud?
• Do i really deserved this?
• Am i being punished for all my sins?
• Why Me?