Stress

With my office work. Im stucked. No Helper. Feel Lost.

Sekian.

Mess

My period gone mad. The flow is not normal anymore and im getting spotting in the middle of the cycle.

Today is CD 16 and im getting brown spotting for the past 2 days... only once per day. The AF dried up on CD 10. I am confuse of is this the period left over or something else. Can i pray as normal or i should mandi wajib first?

Its a total mess! 

I'm Sorry

I used to hate to see ppl who post their babies pic to their fb.I hate to see their happiness. I've been in bad mood for several days just because someone update her fb profile pic their family pic on Eid. Well... the real reason was i am jealous with them. Because i cant hv that 'baby'. Because my family is not perfect. 

And now... after years of struggling... i am blessed with twins. It doesn't come easy anyway. Although i am quite resistance to upload my babies pic at first, now i am started to uploading them since ppl keep on requesting for it.

I know those TTCian in my friends list will be upset with it. I am sorry if I hurt any of your feelings. But i am not one of those who  got pregnant just after the wedding and keep on updating the baby pic on fb. I got the babies after the hard way.... from the road less traveled by 'normal' ppl and i think i am deserve to do so. Am i wrong? 

Note: Now i get jealous with every breastfeeding mom since i failed on that!

Help

Dear friends, 

need your help to answer the following questionnaire for my thesis.

http://www.kwiksurveys.com/?s=OMEKJK_d432705b

 Thank you

Pulau Dayang Bunting/ Pregnant Maiden Lake

There is a myth about this Pulau Dayang Bunting in Langkawi. To read about it can click here. Me and DH went to Langkawi island in 2007, but we missed the chance to visit Pulau Dayang Bunting. So last June, we was there again and we dont want to miss the chance again.

Last June, i was on medicated cycle but on timed intercourse mission since we are on holiday. DH swam in that lake while me, just sitting around watching him. But before we leave, i did drank the water from the lake like 2 sip. Thats all.My mission on that month failed.

I was conceived the next month on medicated cycle with IUI. Im not sure whether the water from the lake did any part on it. But i just believe its just a coincidence. How about you guys? Do you believe in it?

Baby?

Bumped into my friendster blog post which i wrote few months after being married.

Its been 51 days since i get married. Now, ppl around me start asking…. ‘any good news?’ or ‘dah ada ker?’. hmmm, i dont know why, from last time till now, ppl used to ask to question regularly once the person get married. My sis got a baby after 5 years of married life.

Even one of my hubby’s relative asked me, ‘are you planning coz ur still studying?’. commonlah… when i planned to get married, i knew that im studying and im working. i took up the challenge to get married as a student and also working women. I dont have to plan for this. Its a rizk from Allah. i dont know why people dont understand about this. We need to wait for the time to come.

This people make me crazy… i need some peace of mind. If ada rezeki… adalah tu… Rileks la oii… baru jer kawin… nak gak honeymoon dgn hubby… if dah ada baby… masa more on baby…. Selagi tak da tu… boleh lah honeymoon lagi. But it doesnt mean that im saying i dont want kids for now.  I just dont care and i leave the thing to Allah. He knows well when is the right time to give.

After 4 years 4 months, im still childless :(

Bitter Truth

Our minds speak lies. They tell us what we want to see, what we most desire.Our hearts, however, speaks nothing but Sometimes Bitter Truth

The Claim Issue

Since I'm working with Government of Malaysia, I’m entitle to claim the treatment fee’s for this primary infertility if I'm having treatment with government clinic/hospitals. LPPKN is government clinic under Ministry of Women, Family and Community Development.

I was just allowed to claimed last week and i received the letter from the doctor to submit all the documents to my department.

I submitted everything last week. Last Friday, my boss was asked me about the claim saying why im only claim now for the whole year. It seems like he dont understand when i explain to him that i was actually waiting for the letter from the doctor.

Last week, i received the forms which was already signed by the big boss and today i received this letter and they give me back the forms which the signed page by the big boss was gone and they printed new form for that particular page before returning it to me.

Can you see the office politic here? Even im entitle for the claim they rejected me. Im pretty sure they will reject it next yr too saying that those bills are for the yr 2010 and cant pay for it.

Infertility Etiquette

Taken from Resolve.  Its not for us who are infertile… its others etiquette towards infertile couples and how they should treat them.

*****************

Chances are, you know someone who is struggling with infertility. More than seven million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. Yet, as a society, we are woefully uninformed about how to best provide emotional support for our loved ones during this painful time.

Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.

The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.

As the couple moves into infertility treatments, the pain increases while the bank account depletes. The tests are invasive and embarrassing to both parties, and you feel like the doctor has taken over your bedroom. And for all of this discomfort, you pay a lot of money.

A couple will eventually resolve the infertility problem in one of three ways:

• They will eventually conceive a baby.
• They will stop the infertility treatments and choose to live without children.
• They will find an alternative way to parent, such as by adopting a child or becoming a foster parent.

Reaching a resolution can take years, so your infertile loved ones need your emotional support during this journey. Most people don't know what to say, so they wind up saying the wrong thing, which only makes the journey so much harder for their loved ones. Knowing what not to say is half of the battle to providing support.

Don't Tell Them to Relax

Everyone knows someone who had trouble conceiving but then finally became pregnant once she "relaxed." Couples who are able to conceive after a few months of "relaxing" are not infertile. By definition, a couple is not diagnosed as "infertile" until they have tried unsuccessfully to become pregnant for a full year. In fact, most infertility specialists will not treat a couple for infertility until they have tried to become pregnant for a year. This year weeds out the people who aren't infertile but just need to "relax." Those that remain are truly infertile.

Comments such as "just relax" or "try going on a cruise" create even more stress for the infertile couple, particularly the woman. The woman feels like she is doing something wrong when, in fact, there is a good chance that there is a physical problem preventing her from becoming pregnant.

These comments can also reach the point of absurdity. As a couple, my husband and I underwent two surgeries, numerous inseminations, hormone treatments, and four years of poking and prodding by doctors. Yet, people still continued to say things like, "If you just relaxed on a cruise . . ." Infertility is a diagnosable medical problem that must be treated by a doctor, and even with treatment, many couples will NEVER successfully conceive a child. Relaxation itself does not cure medical infertility.

Don't Minimize the Problem

Failure to conceive a baby is a very painful journey. Infertile couples are surrounded by families with children. These couples watch their friends give birth to two or three children, and they watch those children grow while the couple goes home to the silence of an empty house. These couples see all of the joy that a child brings into someone's life, and they feel the emptiness of not being able to experience the same joy.

Comments like, "Just enjoy being able to sleep late . . . .travel . . etc.," do not offer comfort. Instead, these comments make infertile people feel like you are minimizing their pain. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. Losing that one obligation doesn't even begin to compensate for the incredible loss of losing a parent. In the same vein, being able to sleep late or travel does not provide comfort to somebody who desperately wants a child.

Don't Say There Are Worse Things That Could Happen

Along the same lines, don't tell your friend that there are worse things that she could be going through. Who is the final authority on what is the "worst" thing that could happen to someone? Is it going through a divorce? Watching a loved one die? Getting raped? Losing a job?

Different people react to different life experiences in different ways. To someone who has trained his whole life for the Olympics, the "worst" thing might be experiencing an injury the week before the event. To someone who has walked away from her career to become a stay-at-home wife for 40 years, watching her husband leave her for a younger woman might be the "worst" thing. And, to a woman whose sole goal in life has been to love and nurture a child, infertility may indeed be the "worst" thing that could happen.

People wouldn't dream of telling someone whose parent just died, "It could be worse: both of your parents could be dead." Such a comment would be considered cruel rather than comforting. In the same vein, don't tell your friend that she could be going through worse things than infertility.

Don't Say They Aren't Meant to Be Parents

One of the cruelest things anyone ever said to me is, "Maybe God doesn't intend for you to be a mother." How incredibly insensitive to imply that I would be such a bad mother that God felt the need to divinely sterilize me. If God were in the business of divinely sterilizing women, don't you think he would prevent the pregnancies that end in abortions? Or wouldn't he sterilize the women who wind up neglecting and abusing their children? Even if you aren't religious, the "maybe it's not meant to be" comments are not comforting. Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.

Don't Ask Why They Aren't Trying IVF

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a method in which the woman harvests multiple eggs, which are then combined with the man's sperm in a petri dish. This is the method that can produce multiple births. People frequently ask, "Why don't you just try IVF?" in the same casual tone they would use to ask, "Why don't you try shopping at another store?"

Don't Be Crude

It is appalling that I even have to include this paragraph, but some of you need to hear this-Don't make crude jokes about your friend's vulnerable position. Crude comments like "I'll donate the sperm" or "Make sure the doctor uses your sperm for the insemination" are not funny, and they only irritate your friends.

Don't Complain About Your Pregnancy

This message is for pregnant women-Just being around you is painful for your infertile friends. Seeing your belly grow is a constant reminder of what your infertile friend cannot have. Unless an infertile women plans to spend her life in a cave, she has to find a way to interact with pregnant women. However, there are things you can do as her friend to make it easier.

The number one rule is DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR PREGNANCY. I understand from my friends that, when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort, such as queasiness, stretch marks, and fatigue. You have every right to vent about the discomforts to any one else in your life, but don't put your infertile friend in the position of comforting you.

Your infertile friend would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I heard a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I would think, "I'd gladly throw up for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman would complain about her weight gain, I would think, "I would cut off my arm if I could be in your shoes."

I managed to go to baby showers and hospitals to welcome my friends' new babies, but it was hard. Without exception, it was hard. Stay sensitive to your infertile friend's emotions, and give her the leeway that she needs to be happy for you while she cries for herself. If she can't bring herself to hold your new baby, give her time. She isn't rejecting you or your new baby; she is just trying to work her way through her pain to show sincere joy for you. The fact that she is willing to endure such pain in order to celebrate your new baby with you speaks volumes about how much your friendship means to her.

Don't Treat Them Like They Are Ignorant

For some reason, some people seem to think that infertility causes a person to become unrealistic about the responsibilities of parenthood. I don't follow the logic, but several people told me that I wouldn't ache for a baby so much if I appreciated how much responsibility was involved in parenting.

Let's face it-no one can fully appreciate the responsibilities involved in parenting until they are, themselves, parents. That is true whether you successfully conceived after one month or after 10 years. The length of time you spend waiting for that baby does not factor in to your appreciation of responsibility. If anything, people who have been trying to become pregnant longer have had more time to think about those responsibilities. They have also probably been around lots of babies as their friends started their families.

Perhaps part of what fuels this perception is that infertile couples have a longer time to "dream" about what being a parent will be like. Like every other couple, we have our fantasies-my child will sleep through the night, would never have a tantrum in public, and will always eat his vegetables. Let us have our fantasies. Those fantasies are some of the few parent-to-be perks that we have-let us have them. You can give us your knowing looks when we discover the truth later.

Don't Gossip About Your Friend's Condition

Infertility treatments are very private and embarrassing, which is why many couples choose to undergo these treatments in secret. Men especially are very sensitive to letting people know about infertility testing, such as sperm counts. Gossiping about infertility is not usually done in a malicious manner. The gossipers are usually well-meaning people who are only trying to find out more about infertility so they can help their loved ones.

Regardless of why you are sharing this information with someone else, it hurts and embarrasses your friend to find out that Madge the bank teller knows what your husband's sperm count is and when your next period is expected. Infertility is something that should be kept as private as your friend wants to keep it. Respect your friend's privacy, and don't share any information that your friend hasn't authorized.

Don't Push Adoption (Yet)

Adoption is a wonderful way for infertile people to become parents. (As an adoptive parent, I can fully vouch for this!!) However, the couple needs to work through many issues before they will be ready to make an adoption decision. Before they can make the decision to love a "stranger's baby," they must first grieve the loss of that baby with Daddy's eyes and Mommy's nose. Adoption social workers recognize the importance of the grieving process. When my husband and I went for our initial adoption interview, we expected the first question to be, "Why do you want to adopt a baby?" Instead, the question was, "Have you grieved the loss of your biological child yet?" Our social worker emphasized how important it is to shut one door before you open another.

You do, indeed, need to grieve this loss before you are ready to start the adoption process. The adoption process is very long and expensive, and it is not an easy road. So, the couple needs to be very sure that they can let go of the hope of a biological child and that they can love an adopted baby. This takes time, and some couples are never able to reach this point. If your friend cannot love a baby that isn't her "own," then adoption isn't the right decision for her, and it is certainly not what is best for the baby.

Mentioning adoption in passing can be a comfort to some couples. (The only words that ever offered me comfort were from my sister, who said, "Whether through pregnancy or adoption, you will be a mother one day.") However, "pushing" the issue can frustrate your friend. So, mention the idea in passing if it seems appropriate, and then drop it. When your friend is ready to talk about adoption, she will raise the issue herself.

So, what can you say to your infertile friends? Unless you say "I am giving you this baby," there is nothing you can say that will erase their pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself. It isn't your job to erase their pain, but there is a lot you can do to lesson the load. Here are a few ideas.

Let Them Know That You Care

The best thing you can do is let your infertile friends know that you care. Send them cards. Let them cry on your shoulder. If they are religious, let them know you are praying for them. Offer the same support you would offer a friend who has lost a loved one. Just knowing they can count on you to be there for them lightens the load and lets them know that they aren't going through this alone.

Remember Them on Mother's Day

With all of the activity on Mother's Day, people tend to forget about women who cannot become mothers. Mother's Day is an incredibly painful time for infertile women. You cannot get away from it-There are ads on the TV, posters at the stores, church sermons devoted to celebrating motherhood, and all of the plans for celebrating with your own mother and mother-in-law.

Mother's Day is an important celebration and one that I relish now that I am a mother. However, it was very painful while I was waiting for my baby. Remember your infertile friends on Mother's Day, and send them a card to let them know you are thinking of them. They will appreciate knowing that you haven't "forgotten" them.

Support Their Decision to Stop Treatments

No couple can endure infertility treatments forever. At some point, they will stop. This is an agonizing decision to make, and it involves even more grief. Even if the couple chooses to adopt a baby, they must still first grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes.

Once the couple has made the decision to stop treatments, support their decision. Don't encourage them to try again, and don't discourage them from adopting, if that is their choice. Once the couple has reached resolution (whether to live without children, adopt a child, or become foster parents), they can finally put that chapter of their lives behind them. Don't try to open that chapter again.

What Nobody Told You About Trying to Conceive...

1. That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy.
2. That your sex life would start to resemble a science experiment.
3. That you would see your OBGYN/RE more often than your DH at Ovulation time.
4. That the longer you TTC, the more Pregnant women spring up around you.
5. That deep down inside, I can be a very jealous person.
6. That I should have gone to medical school like my mom wanted, because I've had to do so much medical research by now just to figure out what was wrong with me, I might as well be an M.D.
7. That I would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors I go to.
8. That living your life in 2 week increments would be the norm
9. That you never knew how much you wanted to see those 2 pink lines......until only one shows up every month
10. That simply relaxing will NOT get you pregnant. (your dh has to do some work too)
11. That you have no control over some of the goals you set...
12. That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen, and staring at your chart doesn't make it change!
13. That one day my DH would know so much about how my uterus functions and what it looks like from the inside (thanks HSGs).
14. That miscarriage is so common.
15. That I would wish we had started TTC earlier.
16. That my friends' pregnancies would start to make me sad instead of happy.
17. That it would help bring a group of wonderful, caring, funny, empathetic women together like this.
18. That it wouldn't happen the first time you didn't use birth control like we were led to believe in school.
19. That you wouldn't know how important a baby was to you until it took so long and you realized what you were willing to go through to make it happen.
20. That family would act like getting pregnant was a competition between all the young couples in the family, and the first one to get pg "wins".
21. That my DH is the most wonderful and caring man!
22. That it is insensitive to ask people when they are having a baby!
23. Tat women who do get pregnant are so very blessed!
24. That medicine and procedures are not a sure fire way to get pregnant but it is a sure fire way to lose money fast.
25. That docs should prescribe Zoloft with Clomid.
26. That having af show up makes you cry, no matter who's bathroom you are in.
27. That it does not get easier, each cycle is harder than the last.
28. Feeling like you wish your life away in 2 week increments.
29. That I wouldn't want to hold or see someone's baby because it just hurts way too much.
30. That a group of "strangers" who I will probably never meet, have now become my "best friends" when it comes to ttc.
31. That talking about sex with fellow TTCers would be so easy.
32. That infertility is more common than you think.
33. That DH would get used to doing his 'thing' in a jar.
34. That one day all of this will make us stronger.
35. That there is sometimes darkness (infertility) before the light (a baby).
36. That no one I know (in my non FF life) would have any understanding as to how I feel.
37. That my temper and patience are much shorter than I ever thought.
38. That infertility is not as rare as I was led to believe.
39. That I would find it extremely difficult to be happy for other people's pregnancies and I would burst into tears upon hearing their news.
40. That my faith in God would be tested heavily.
41. That I would make so many new, wonderful friends who totally get how I feel because we all suffer from the same affliction of infertility.
42. That it could hurt so much to lose your innocence.
43. That I am very bitter towards unmarried accidental pgcys, and slightly bitter towards married accidental pgcys.
44. That I am so glad my niece was born when she was, early in our ttc, because if she were born now I don't think I could deal with it.
45. That someone I thought to be my best friend would hurt me by saying that she was sick of hearing about my efforts at ttc.
46. That I'd discover who my true friends are, both IRL and online.
47. That I'd ever be able to bond with my step-sister (also infertile).
48. That I'd be glad to know that I have PCOS - because at least I know what's wrong.
49. That I would know about other peoples' BD, CP, CM but not know there real name, their DH's name, or their occupation.
50. That I could spend so much time and money on figuring out what my body is doing (or not doing).
51. That I would have to rely on doctors to give me the final say-so on what I can or can't do (on a med/procedure break forced by my RE against my wishes)
52. That foreplay would consist of DH asking "How's your cervix today"
53. That an HSG will tell you more than just whether or not your tubes are blocked. I had no idea your uterus could be misshaped.
54. That one person could be "cursed" with so many different fertility problems.
55. That I should have become a gyno-which I think at this point I know more then some.
56. That some people just say the wrong things.
57. That a simple blood test costs $648!
58. That sex would ever become a chore!
59. That actually having a miscarriage would allow me to understand the loss that others have felt.
60. That miscarriage would make me want a baby even more than before!
61. That I would resent someone who has been trying less time than me telling me "I know how you feel..."
62. That DH would be overly concerned that our BD positions were the most effective ones!
63. That I would become NUMB to the wonderful world around me that I already have (DH, DD, family, friends, dogs, fun, etc)!
64. That I would become addicted to POAS and not sleep at night because I couldn't wait to POAS in the morning!
65. That I would be so sad, and ashamed.
66. That I would learn to speak in code
67. Like I checked Cm which was EWCM but when I will POAS who knows, dh won't let me for fear of BFN
68. That when AF showed up you would feel broken and disfunctional.
69. That your friendships with your real life girlfriends would suffer because they got pregnant after being off the pill for 3 weeks.
70. That this would be, by far, one of the hardest things you will ever have to go through.
71. That you HAVE to have sex even though you don't feel like it, but because your FM says high or peak.
72. That people would pity you and feel sorry for you.
73. That I would meet such wonderful group of people that I can share my sorrow, frustration and fears with.
74. That I would be going to a psychic to find out if there was a baby in my future (she told me twins in 3 to 5 months!)
75. That I would dream about taking my temperature and be disappointed if I woke up at 3am and it wasn't time yet.
76. That I would stop fantasizing about having a baby because it stopped making me happy.
77. That I would buy herbs and otc creams like vitex and progest, use them for two days, and then chicken out.
78. That I would hear well-meaning questions like: "Have you thought of taking your temperature?" (and this is after 20 months TTC...)
79. That my brother, who started TTC at the same time we did and whose wife got PG three months later, would go on and on telling me how tough and tiring life with a baby is, and then finish with: "You have no idea what it's like!"
80. That the two little words of "just relax" uttered by everyone I know would enfuriate me beyond belief.
81. That someone would suggest adoption to me in order to get pregnant (because it happened to a friend of theirs) before I had even had any testing done.
82. That we would have to schedule a BD session so DH could do it in a cup a few days later.
83. That I would have to help DH do it in a cup. (Just this morning!)
84. That my friends who started TTC #1 around the same time we did would already be pregnant with #2 before we get pregnant with #1.
85. That I wouldn't be able to attend my friend's babies 1st birthday parties because of the quesiton, "So, when are ya'll going to have children."
86. That the people around me would become more insensitive as time goes on. "It is so hard having a new baby, you just wouldn't understand." or "Be happy you're not tied down."
87. That I would watch a Baby Story every day... only to cry every day.
88. That it puts this much strain on a marriage.
89. That I spent years trying not to get pregnant, and praying for my period. Now I can't seem to lose the witch!
90. It's good to know I am not alone.
91. That I would have to listen to people complain about their children as if they were burdens while a child is the one thing in the world I want the most. Also, they sound as if they are trying to talk me out of having kids, like it is the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to me.
92. That being overweight would cause people to ask when I'm due, which in turn could cause me to cry.
93. That I would yell at commercials on the TV (that "having a baby changes everything" one really gets to me. I can't watch it without snapping "So does not having one.")
94. That I would have to stop watching Birth Day and A Baby Story (two shows I love) because it just hurts too much.
95. That every girl should go to the gyn as soon as she gets AF the first time. If I had, I would have been dx with PCOS a lot faster.
96. That a friend would hid and ignore her own pregnancy to try to keep me from being upset. (we found out when she gave birth)
97. That sex does NOT ALWAY equal pregnancy or STD every time
98. That your body has its own mind.
99. That you would be keeping it a secret from everyone.
100. That you would cry your eyeballs out b/c AF showed.
101. That you would be jealous when everyone around you get pg including your 16yo cousin.
102. That you would tell everyone you're not ready for a child when they ask what your waiting for.
103. Life as you know it will be interrupted for two weeks.
104. That the broken heart you feel each month that is equal to the pain you feel when you lose a loved one.
105. That all of a sudden nursing other people's babies becomes a depressing NOT joyful feeling
106. That you feel useless as a female
107. That you will soon be lying through your teeth telling people that you don't want children
108. That you feel that your body has betrayed you by not delivering a regular cycle, the right about of the required "hormones" or doing what it should now how to do.
109. That you feel stupid and naive for thinking a pregnancy would occur "when it was supposed to".
110. That answering questions (and usually lying) about pregnancy or family plans would hurt so bad.

 

Taken from twoweekwait

Easy ways to calculate your cycle days

I usually just set into my calendar in my phone for the past years. Recently bump into Sis Irtiyah’s way of jotting down in easy way and i transferred all the data from the phone in to the excel and yes… its really2 easy to calculate your cycles days. Done redo the listing for the year 2010. Just realized that my cycle days are vary each month.

Still thinking whether need to track back all the previous years record.

Try it now gals.

TTC acronyms

The things that i learnt today

AF – Aunt Flow = period (so in public u don't have to mention as period or menses)

BFN – Big Fat Negative (pregnancy test resulting in negative [not pregnant])

BFP – Big Fat Positive (pregnancy test resulting in positive [pregnant])

OPK – Ovulation Predictor Kits

DH – Dear Husband / Darling Husband

2WW – 2 weeks wait  to start doing the pregnancy test

CD (number) – Cycle Day

BBT - Basal Body Temperature

POAS – Pee on a stick (pregnancy test)

This are those acronyms found in some major Trying to Conceive sites/forums resulting me searching for the meanings. So now I'm sharing it with all of you.

Reason behind