My Fault

A day leave on Christmas day gave me ample of time to think what actually went wrong and i've got my answer.

1. Though my average Cycle Day is 33, the longest CD i've had for this year was 42. Means i do hv couple of days before actually i can say i am due.
2. Using the opk doesnt really helped me to determine my peak days since it doesnt shows double line when i THOUGHT it should and i just ASSUME i ovulated on certain day. 
3. What actually happen was, i ovulated 6-7 days later than it should me so i actually missed those fertile periods. and thats when i got the faint line on pregnancy test.



http://infertility.about.com/od/infertilitytreatments/a/What-Are-Gonadotropins.htm

4. When i THOUGHT i ovulated, i discontinued to charting my BBT. 
5. Maybe i didnt ovulate at all

All the mistakes was from my side and i've been having unwanted stress for no reason. Actually i am just over excited to get pregnant naturally... thats it. nothing else.

CD38 today and when the AF arrive, i might be going to LPPKN again. Just that, i want to request for female doctor this time if possible. 3 years ago when i first started my treatment, Dr G was my only option. Now i may try my luck again.

15dpiui

Alhamdulillah. CD31 and manage to finish my last pill of duphaston just now.

AF is due tomorrow.

Dear AF,

Please stay away from me for another 9 months please? I really beg you.

Don't be so cruel to me please?

Mira

12dpiui

Google says i can already test. But im not going to test until my period is delay (if happens). Experience says, when you test the hpt, then period will come on the same day.

Imperfect

As expected, back to CD1 again this morning.

Hi AF,

Seems that you really miss me each and every month and you cant live without visiting me. By the way, I love you too!

Mira

Cycle days became shorter this 2 months… from 31 days to 21 days.

There is still rooms to go for IUI #2 before the fasting month starts next month.

My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet. - Mahatma Gandhi

Tired

I had spotting last Thursday on CD22. I called the clinic and asked can i consider it as period or not because its still early and my cycle usually 28-31 days. Nurse just put me on appointment on the following day and the doctor asked me to consider it as period and sent me home with lots of Gonal-f injection.

 

My instinct says that its not period. Recently my period gone mad. It doesn't follow the typical rule anymore. It will start, then stop after few days then will be getting spotting for another few days and stop again and then followed by the actual menses. This is why i happen to missed the appointment to meet doctor after my failed IUI. 

I’ve started my clomid on Saturday and injection the following day. But the spotting last for 4 days and then it stops.  No normal flow at all and my period never end in 4 days before.. Doctor said the IUI #2 will be on 27 June. I told him that I'm not going to do IUI this cycle since I will be away next week and i wont be able to undergo lab treatment. I want to go for time intercourse and he agreed. 

Again, my instinct says, next Monday I'll be having my ‘actual’ period! 

On different note, I've been having gastric and diarrhea for 5 days now since the spotting started. DH checking with me whether I'm ok regularly during the night. Yesterday on MC and today back to work.

I am so tired!

CD15

and still having the menses. But, it was ok on the CD8 and it start again on CD9. I guess its because of the mood swing that I've been having plus the tensions i had over the weekend. Going to start praying tomorrow no matter it stops or not.

What? Rest?

I jinxed it by telling that AF going to arrive using my Myth. AF doesnt show up as expected and just arrived this morning. Called LPPKN for the appointment and when i said my AF is today, she simply said that, please take rest this month. I said, doctor already asked me to rest last month, what for i should wait more? They only accept for this who got their AF before 23rd May for this month. All the others need to wait next month coz they are bz with the IVF patients. Then i only have July before fasting month!! WTH!!

Myth

When im on hormone medicine, AF arrive way early than expected date. But then, when i am not, it always exceed the expected due to AF. CD32 today and still waiting.

Reason to update this? Usually it will come the next day from the day i update the blog. So, we wait and see whether my myth is correct or not.

2ww – Part 2

Today mark the end of 2ww (14dpiui), i should not test the upt until today at least. But the spotting then followed by AF visited me first.  A strong person knows how to keep their life in order, even with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say “im ok” with a smile. Thank you for the encouring words dear friends… i am really ok :)

As i told you guys before, I'm surrounded with pregnant women's at office. Today, when i was sitting beside a friend of mine, she suddenly took my hand and put at her womb… to feel the baby kicking!  I was speechless for few minutes. It was my first time, I've never feel the baby kicking before even with my sister in law’s or my sister. MasyaAllah! It was amazing. Unforgettable! Thank you dear friend to let me feel it, really appreciate it although everyday, when i saw ur baby bump, i was envy to death.

I Just

hate you!

AF!!!

10dpiui

CD 23 and 10dpiui today. I’ve been having cramping and sharp pain in abdomen since 2dpiui and i just ignoring all the feelings since then. Last night was terrible. Once back from work, i cant even stand. Was in my couch till Maghrib and force my self to pray.

I'm also try to limit my self to Google everything although I'm always failed at it. Last time, i was spotting from 8dpo and i was strongly believed it was implantation bleeding but then it turns out to be AF few days later.

Now I'm feeling like AF is about to come… AF actually due end of next week. Well, the AF always playing trick nowadays.

AF… are you missing me already?

We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.- Jim Rohn

Yeay!

Finally im back on medicated cycle. The LPPKN lab is now open. So, will be able to proceed with IUI this cycle if everything goes as expected.

Doctor prescribe me with different injectables to avoid stimulate too many eggs as what had happen with puregon. Will be away next week and thinking to ask my colleague to inject me…if they’re not confident, need to inject myself. DH is the one who did the injecting task all this while.

Feeling nice to be back on medicated cycle… every little effort is count when ur TTCing right? We’ll wait n see how this cycle going to perform.

Welcome

I’ve missed you AF and been waiting for you. Thank you for dropping by today.

Calculator

Could it be true? I dont think so bcoz my AF always play hide and seek with me and i’ve been having spotting on and off regularly.

I'm on CD38 (without medicines) today and I'm not going to test and just wait for AF to come. The longest CD for last year was 47 days (with medicines)… so lets wait and keep the hope less to avoid disappointments.

It’s here!

Yeay coz finally AF arrived yesterday. But Boo coz just called RE and seems that i still wont able to do IUI for this cycle because the lab is not ready yet. I have a choice now, either to try it naturally like last time or wait for another cycle.

I'm pretty sure i cant commit much on my next cycle since I've been having quite a number of training where I'll be away from home. I cant be idle doing nothing for another 2 months. So, I'm going to take all the drug’s again with whatever side effect it will be and doing it naturally. Here comes my another cycle of regular visits to RE, injections and ultrasounds.

But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it’s better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you’re fighting for. — Paulo Coelho

Peek-a-boo

I had my AF 1 week (CD 22) early last month and now its 4 days late and I’m already on CD 36. It always been this way... when I'm eagerly waiting for AF to show up, it wont come and when i don't want it, it will come right on time or even earlier.

I'm pretty sure i couldn't pregnant this cycle. So there is no need to do the pregnancy test.

I want the AF to come so that i can continue the treatment but there is not sign of AF coming anyway. Its playing peek-a-boo with me! I hate this!