Being Strong

You never know how

strong you are,

until

being strong

is

the ONLY choice

you have.

-Cayla Mills

Weak

I never thought i could be so weak and green with envy on what others has. Just looked at one of a ‘friend’ picture holding her beautiful kids and all was smiling wide. Instead of happy for their happy family… the feeling of ‘life is not fair’ conquer everything. I hope i can be more stronger and wise…

Weird

Its kinda weird when i don't take any medicine… including the folic acid everyday since my AF starts last month where i decided to “take rest” and now i am too eager to AF to show up so that i can continue the treatment no matter what is the outcome will be.

Well, my mind never took rest anyway!

Hold it together

 

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.

Pregnancy Tester

Early years in my married life, i used to buy pregnancy tester … and i always get the negative answer. When been getting BFN (–ve) back to back, finally i decided not to buy it anymore and i have one balance which i bought 2 years back.

Recently check the expiry date and its about to due and i just used it when I'm on my period… reason being, i know the result will be BFN after all :) So, no more disappointment.

Jealous

#816 Your dog is pregnant? Yup...Still jealous

It's strange. You would never describe yourself as a jealous person. A woman could flirt with your husband and you're mildly flattered. Your friend gets a great promotion and you're genuinely happy for her.
But when someone gets pregnant, whether a friend or a complete stranger, you're jealous, evil side emerges.

It doesn't even matter who it is. You're completely envious of all your pregnant friends but you are also jealous of complete strangers on the street, Facebook friends from your past, your parents friend's children, and anyone else who happens to walk by you that could look pregnant. Good lord, they don't even have to be pregnant to get your jealousy started - you are jealous even if they seem to have an unconfirmed belly budge or if their television character is pregnant. You would even be jealous of a woman who got pregnant knowing that she suffered through years of infertility treatments. You would be jealous if you're dog was having puppies, Mertie, the bird, got pregnant or even if a cartoon character was expecting. Damm you Marge Simpson! You never had infertility problems with Bart, Lisa or Maggie! You were jealous of the pregnant "man" and wished you could be the Octomom too.

Wow. Bubbles, your goldfish, is having babies. Yup... Still jealous.

Taken from : 999 Reasons to laugh at infertility

Good Bye 2010

Its 4th January today and finally i am able to write to this blog. Another year has gone without any sign of baby coming up. It was a tough year.

• At least i know what's the problem that I'm having and finally found out that it is recoverable using some medicines.
• The first time in my life visited doctor as many times in a month/year
• The highest number of injectables taken in my entire life so far
• The more i try to hide… the more it feelings was shown up in my face even without me saying out a word.
• Surrounded with mommies and mommies to be most of the time and need to react that i am as normal as them.
• Those who married after me, blessed with at least 2 kids.
• Those who just married, got pregnant with less than 3 months they got married.

Well, there’s lot more to mention… but its better for me to stop it now. No resolutions for this new year… just wanna take life as it comes.