I would die for that

I Would Die For That Lyrics
Artist(Band):Kellie Coffey

(Pic Source: Google)

Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.

And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.

But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.

I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.

Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbour, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

Note - I cried like hell when reading this poem from this forum.

Left Out

Sorry, this post again my rambling about my so called ‘beautiful and interesting’ infertility life. At this point of time, i am so down. Chatted with a good friend of mine, who happen to be male, who told me, ‘my wife is pregnant’ 3 months. I seriously don't know how to react. Thankfully the conversation was through online, so he could not see my face reaction.

In my circle of friends, every one has moved on to the next stage of their life. Me, being among those who married early in that group, still stuck in the middle of no where. I feel left out totally. I don't know how to react to them when i meet them in person. Although i always ended up so caring asking about how their pregnancy going on, I'm not sure is my face looked normal or not.

They have the common things to talk about, pregnancies, babies. nursery and schools. I am left out, although i always join in the conversation, specially in the office when all the other ladies are either pregnant or already have babies, its not from my own experience. All from my observations which cant be real experiences!

My mind started to see who else in my circle of friends/relative who’s still childless and yeah… there is one friend of mine who got married 2 months early b4 me. Called her and talked to her for a while. She seems very strong and confident. I wish I can be like her…

On the other note, another male friend of me asked hows life going. I answered ‘so so’ and this is what i got reply from him.

life is quite unpredictable, but telling the truth i always admire u. u are a brave girl!

Didnt expect that answer from him at all!

Receive 2 positive energy from 2 different people today. Hope it helps to divert my mind :)

A Year In The Life of Infertility (Year 4)

Its someone’s experience… which is really close with me too… video explains it all.

Judge

Don't judge me unless you have looked through my eyes, experienced what i have, and cried as many tears as me. Until then back-off, cause you have no idea.

Ready To Give Up Your Career For Marriage?

By: elise

You’re one of the top people in your company and you’re great at what you do. You’ve always considered yourself a career woman, you got the promotion you’ve harping after, you’re at the top of your game, and finally after all the long hours, sweat and effort you’ve put into your job, you’re finally holding the position you want at the top of your company. Remember the movie The Proposal starring Sandra Bullock? Yeah, imagine a high-powered career woman like that.

Then you meet someone, fall in love and get married. What happens next? Would you give up your career and opt for married life instead? Or would you juggle both? Juggling both is an easy option for many women these days because we’ve grown accustomed to this kind of lifestyle, and it’s fine if your husband is working in the same location. But what if he were based outstation? Or even overseas? How would you feel about giving up your career for your marriage?

This question is a tough one. Not everyone is going to have the same answer. I suppose it is a question of what is more important to you and what your priorities are. Of course, naturally husband and wife would want to be together, but that doesn’t necessarily mean us women would be happy to leave our jobs and top positions that we worked so hard to get.

Unless we hated our jobs in the first place of course then we would be more than happy to drop it. That’s why this is a tough one to answer. Maybe once you’re married you might have different priorities and your job doesn’t seem so important to you as it use to be. Especially if you’re planning for a family and you’re thinking about having children. Maybe once you’re married focusing on home life will become your priority instead of your job.

The thing is, we’ll never know for certain what we will or will not do, until we are put into that situation and have to make a choice. There are so many factors that come into play here, so many different situations, circumstances and scenarios that it is hard to give a definitive answer. People change all the time, and they certainly change their minds often enough.

This is certainly a tough decision to make, but at the end of the day, it all boils down to you, where your priorities lie and what comes first. And you need to make your decision based on that.

So, would you be willing to consider giving up your career for marriage?

Note – i did gave up my career and focusing on family. But this infertility thing is so much harder when I'm at home doing nothing and feel so lonely. After 9 months being full time housewife, instead of delivering baby, im back into this white collar world.

Ovulation Spotting

After months on clomid and injectables, i almost forgot how my normal cycle was. Finally I've realised that all those spotting that i had before the AF is actually the side effect of clomid. This month, there is no spotting before AF just light-heavy-light.

3 days after AF stopped, i had spotting and light bleeding yesterday and today and i assume its a ovulation spotting. Used to have it too back in those days but i don't even know what it is and i just assume the balance of AF usually.

Since i seriously TTC, I'm reading a lot, almost everyday regarding anything and will notice and take note of all the sign that my body gives. So, i have to conclude that it is an ovulation spotting coz its no longer bleed. Well… at least i know that i am ovulating :)