Little Updates

Im back here again ;)

Alhamdulillah the little twins just turned 18 months and they are super hyper. Maybe because they're friends from baby, they are super active. Sometimes i just wonder how the babysitter manage them when im away for work.

About me? Nothing interesting except I've put on weight ... same as i was heavily pregnant. Round face, flabby tummy, huge thigh is normal for me now. Everything starts just after  the twins reach 1 yr old. I had to work extra for them... chasing and running which makes me hungry most of the time :p 

Currently working on weight lose before seriously thinking for the next step while secretly praying to get pregnant naturally. Who knows right?

Mess

My period gone mad. The flow is not normal anymore and im getting spotting in the middle of the cycle.

Today is CD 16 and im getting brown spotting for the past 2 days... only once per day. The AF dried up on CD 10. I am confuse of is this the period left over or something else. Can i pray as normal or i should mandi wajib first?

Its a total mess! 

I'm Sorry

I used to hate to see ppl who post their babies pic to their fb.I hate to see their happiness. I've been in bad mood for several days just because someone update her fb profile pic their family pic on Eid. Well... the real reason was i am jealous with them. Because i cant hv that 'baby'. Because my family is not perfect. 

And now... after years of struggling... i am blessed with twins. It doesn't come easy anyway. Although i am quite resistance to upload my babies pic at first, now i am started to uploading them since ppl keep on requesting for it.

I know those TTCian in my friends list will be upset with it. I am sorry if I hurt any of your feelings. But i am not one of those who  got pregnant just after the wedding and keep on updating the baby pic on fb. I got the babies after the hard way.... from the road less traveled by 'normal' ppl and i think i am deserve to do so. Am i wrong? 

Note: Now i get jealous with every breastfeeding mom since i failed on that!

Its gone

While doing something on my phone I noticed that pictures from my blogs displayed on my phone gallery.  So I went to picasa n deleted those albums.

So now the pics from blog its not showing in my phone anymore.  But guess whatt... all the pictures in all my blogs are GONE n I can't even retrieve it.

Nak berkabung setahun :(

Lesson learned

Infertility is a life long struggle. Even post baby.

Lesson learned. 

- Sarah

Without Uterus

Hi everyone. Me and the twins are doing good. They already 6 months now. All praises to Allah.

I do receive lots of email asking opinion and ppl who share their stories with me. I do find time to reply all of them. I would like to help my fellow ttcian the least that i can...

Recently someone commented on one of my post... my heard really goes for her. I couldnt imagine how strong she is and how she face her daily life. She was born without uterus. How could it be?? What treatment she can do without an uterus??? She wrote something to her husband which i would like to share with everyone.


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I feel so bad for dragging you along in this...
Sometimes I wish I never got married
So that I'll be alone in this
And not put anyone through this pain

Sometimes while you're sleeping
I just look at you and feel sorry for making you go through this...
And other times I think to myself Why should I feel sorry for you?
You are going to have kids with or without me
The pain of not having them will be taken away from you one day or another
You will laugh, smile, cry, be upset, you will teach your son to ride a bicycle, you will kiss your daughter's forehead, you will drop your children to school, you will shop for your wife to get her a gift with your children, you will carry them on your shoulders, you will be in a labor room one day..........seeing your wife go through the pain of having your children and you will love her for it, you will appreciate her for it.....

and that wife won't be me...

While you're doing all that, I'll probably be at home lying in bed and crying my heart out like I am right now or even worse.

I remember a time when you told me 'What I have with you, I can never have with anyone else'....

Well...what you can have with anyone else, you can never have with me..

Sometimes I wish that you would be with me in this forever and that you would be patient and that we will wait and be content with whatever Allah has written....if we don't have it here, we'll have it in Jannah.

But I know you will be a father one day..a father to the children of another woman.......and I only pray that you both have all the happiness in the world.


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This is a big test for her and i wish Allah gives her all the strength in this world so that she will able to live this life peacefully.

Miracle Babies are here

After years of trying, finally the miracle babies are here  via c-sect at 37w3d.

Miracles do happen...