Saturday, August 20, 2011

Monday, August 15, 2011

Does miracles happen?

I dont want to drag much.

Yes, i test it at home first and it came out double line in less than 2 minutes. I just cant believe my eyes and my whole body was shivering. Alhamdullillah... finally after 4 and 1/2 years, my first BFP ever. Doctor confirm it again today. Millions thanks to all my TTC friends who keep me strong along thing journey and say my name in your prayers. I pray for you guys too. Hugs ppl!

PS - Those who know me personally, please keep this as secret for time being since its too early to spread the news. Im just 5 weeks and me and DH is very scared. Its not an easy journey to get this BFP. For now, we decided only to inform both our parents, thats all... not even the siblings yet.

PS again - I am sorry if this update  hurt my dear ttc friends in any way. I've been there for years and do understand it. Its nothing wrong to feel the way you are feeling right now. InsyaAllah your time will come soon.

Sunday, August 14, 2011


I cry every time listen to this doa and its meaning :`(

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

CD 34

No sign of AF yet.

It seems like the waiting game never ends. Its there anything called 3 weeks wait?

Now waiting for doctor's appointment next Monday (15th August 2011) to know the result of my IUI #2.

On the other hand, Alhamdullillah and thanks to PM for giving 1/2 month bonus for all government civil servants. Something is always better than nothing.

Monday, August 8, 2011


Yesterday when i was browsing through fb, this particular woman said hi and started conversation with me. Since i was bored, i continue to entertain her. But, the first question that she asked was, “So how are you? Is there any good news for you yet? My niece who just married last month is now pregnant. Awal rezeki dia.”

I'm so irritated with her question. Maybe she just concern. But if you are really concern about me, you should not ask that question first after giving your salam and you’ve been in my shoes before. You had your first child after 6 years if not mistaken. You should understand better about the sensitivity of an infertile soul. She is the same person who gave me the unwanted advice back then regarding LPPKN is bad and so on.

Because of this, i went offline from chat and put everyone in my ‘limited’ group. Those who are in that group will not able to see my wall post, my pictures and also will not able to see me online. Padan muka! I put everyone in that list too because i need some time to reorganize my friend list. Mean time, nobody will be going to disturb me in fb.

I really hope, if one day I've became a mom, i really hope i wont ask such questions to anyone and i really hope i will always be reminded of my infertile journey. Well, I've always been infertile.

Ya Allah,  please always remind me of all the pain that I've gone through and going through in this journey in all the phase of my life. I don't want to be in the “lupa daratan group”. Ya Rahman, please provide the courage to me to remain the same forever.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Awareness: Ectopic Pregnancy

An ectopic pregnancy is an abnormal pregnancy that occurs outside the womb (uterus). The baby (fetus) cannot survive, and often does not develop at all in this type of pregnancy.

Causes, incidence, and risk factors

An ectopic pregnancy occurs when a pregnancy starts outside the womb (uterus). The most common site for an ectopic pregnancy is within one of the tubes through which the egg passes from the ovary to the uterus (fallopian tube). However, in rare cases, ectopic pregnancies can occur in the ovary, stomach area, or cervix.

An ectopic pregnancy is often caused by a condition that blocks or slows the movement of a fertilized egg through the fallopian tube to the uterus. This may be caused by a physical blockage in the tube by hormonal factors and by other factors, such as smoking.

Most cases of scarring are caused by:

  • Past ectopic pregnancy

  • Past infection in the fallopian tubes

  • Surgery of the fallopian tubes

Up to 50% of women who have ectopic pregnancies have had swelling (inflammation) of the fallopian tubes (salpingitis) or pelvic inflammatory disease (PID).

Some ectopic pregnancies can be due to:

The following may also increase the risk of ectopic pregnancy:

In a few cases, the cause is unknown.

Sometimes, a woman will become pregnant after having her tubes tied (tubal sterilization). Ectopic pregnancies are more likely to occur 2 or more years after the procedure, rather than right after it. In the first year after sterilization, only about 6% of pregnancies will be ectopic, but most pregnancies that occur 2 - 3 years after tubal sterilization will be ectopic.

Ectopic pregnancy is also more likely in women who have:

  • Had surgery to reverse tubal sterilization in order to become pregnant

  • Had an intrauterine device (IUD) and became pregnant (very unlikely when IUDs are in place)

Ectopic pregnancies occur in 1 in every 40 to 1 in every 100 pregnancies.


If the area of the abnormal pregnancy ruptures and bleeds, symptoms may get worse. They may include:

  • Feeling faint or actually fainting

  • Intense pressure in the rectum

  • Pain that is felt in the shoulder area

  • Severe, sharp, and sudden pain in the lower abdomen

Internal bleeding due to a rupture may lead to low blood pressure and fainting in around 1 out of 10 women.

Signs and tests

The health care provider will do a pelvic exam, which may show tenderness in the pelvic area.

Tests that may be done include:

A rise in quantitative HCG levels may help tell a normal (intrauterine) pregnancy from an ectopic pregnancy. Women with high levels should have a vaginal ultrasound to identify a normal pregnancy.

Other tests may be used to confirm the diagnosis, such as:


Ectopic pregnancies cannot continue to birth (term). The developing cells must be removed to save the mother's life.

You will need emergency medical help if the area of the ectopic pregnancy breaks open (ruptures). Rupture can lead to shock, an emergency condition. Treatment for shock may include:

  • Blood transfusion

  • Fluids given through a vein

  • Keeping warm

  • Oxygen

  • Raising the legs

If there is a rupture, surgery (laparotomy) is done to stop blood loss. This surgery is also done to:

  • Confirm an ectopic pregnancy

  • Remove the abnormal pregnancy

  • Repair any tissue damage

In some cases, the doctor may have to remove the fallopian tube.

A minilaparotomy and laparoscopy are the most common surgical treatments for an ectopic pregnancy that has not ruptured. If the doctor does not think a rupture will occur, you may be given a medicine called methotrexate and monitored. You may have blood tests and liver function tests.

Expectations (prognosis)

One-third of women who have had one ectopic pregnancy are later able to have a baby. A repeated ectopic pregnancy may occur in one-third of women. Some women do not become pregnant again.

The likelihood of a successful pregnancy depends on:

  • The woman's age

  • Whether she has already had children

  • Why the first ectopic pregnancy occurred

The rate of death due to an ectopic pregnancy in the United States has dropped in the last 30 years to less than 0.1%.


The most common complication is rupture with internal bleeding that leads to shock. Death from rupture is rare.

Calling your health care provider

If you have symptoms of ectopic pregnancy (especially lower abdominal pain or abnormal vaginal bleeding), call your health care provider. You can have an ectopic pregnancy if you are able to get pregnant (fertile) and are sexually active, even if you use birth control.


Most forms of ectopic pregnancy that occur outside the fallopian tubes are probably not preventable. However, a tubal pregnancy (the most common type of ectopic pregnancy) may be prevented in some cases by avoiding conditions that might scar the fallopian tubes.

The following may reduce your risk:

  • Avoiding risk factors for pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) such as having many sexual partners, having sex without a condom, and getting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)

  • Early diagnosis and treatment of STDs

  • Early diagnosis and treatment of salpingitis and PID

  • Stopping smoking


(Source: PubMed Health)

Saturday, August 6, 2011


Alhamdulillah. CD31 and manage to finish my last pill of duphaston just now.

AF is due tomorrow.

Dear AF,

Please stay away from me for another 9 months please? I really beg you.

Don't be so cruel to me please?


Friday, August 5, 2011


Wow, finally reached the 14dpiui (the end of 2ww) for the first time in medicated cycle. All this while, i will have my menses when im in 9 or 10 dpo.Well, its just a 2 weeks wait of an IUI cycle and the wait is terrible. I wonder how those who had their embryo transfer and survive their 2ww.

fingers crossed
that everything will work out OK.

Surviving The Two Week Wait

Oh I must survive the 'Two Week Wait',
To see what will be, what is our fate.
It should not be bad, I'll keep busy with lots,
At least it's better than all those darn shots!

Day 1 I'll go for a nice calming walk,
And with my DH try not to talk
About kids and plans and names and such,
And try not to get our hopes up too too too much.

Day 2 Ahh, for today, I'll do some nice light cleaning,
And try not to think and keep myself from seeing,
Everyone around me with their cute babies,
And try to stop the incessant 'maybes'.

Day 3 with the In-Laws we'll dine,
Who don't know what's up, think everything is fine.
"No, thank you, I'll pass, I won't have the wine."
Stop looking at me, Mother-in-Law! No, it's not a sign!

Day 4 I'll look at my closet again,
Maybe a quick clean, then onto the den,
You know a crib would look great right over there,
Wait! Stop thinking about that, it just isn't fair!

Day 5, good grief! Will this day never end?
Where is my phone, can I call a friend?
And was that a twinge, or just anticipation?
Or am I one of those women who can actually feel implantation?

Day 6 I'm fine, I'm not going mad
But I keep looking at my dear husband, trying to see a Dad.
I have to keep busy, keep my mind occupied,
On trivial things, not what maybe happening inside!

Day 7, oh JOY, oh bliss, we are half way there!
No, I'm not obsessing, I haven't a care,
The first week flew by, I could hardly even tell,
And if you believe that I have a Bridge I can sell...

Day 8, Wait, are my breasts sore tonight?
Or, did I just wear my new bra too tight?
Am I feeling sick, nausea in the morning?
Or was that old expiration date actually a good warning?

Day 9, day 9, everything is fine!
Its not that I'm edgy, I SAID I WAS FINE!
Sorry, I did not mean to snap, but my temper is quick,
Is tomorrow too early to pee on a stick?

Day 10, For one day I'd just like to forget,
Not go crazy with days, my mind to reset.
A good friend she told me, "Remember, try not to dwell!"
Oh give me a break, this two weeks... umm, *Aint swell*!

Day 11, Well what to do, maybe I'll clean again?
Oops, my closet is empty and I blew up the den.
OK, I'll watch some TV to take my mind off the maybes

Day 12, good grief, I don't know how I will cope,
I want to be optimistic, to have some hope,
But I am afraid of disappointment, of again this not being the time,
If someone could make days fly, I'll give my last dime!

Day 13 is supposed to be Lucky, they say
Personally I wish it would just go away,
I am done with watching the days crawl by,
I hate all this waiting, too long have we tried.

Day 14, Wait, what? It's finally here?
Today we find out if a baby is near?
Umm, wait, now I don't know if I really want the real truth
I kind-of liked day-dreaming, but betas the proof!

So now it's off to the bathroom I go,
So far so good, I don't see Aunt Flow.
I open the package, pee and it will tell our fate,
Oh dear, now how do I survive this TWO MINUTE WAIT???

S. Hamilton
October 2, 2010

(Source: BabyandBump)

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over and over again, but expecting a different result. - Albert Einstein

Thursday, August 4, 2011


I still have 2 and 1/2 days to finish my Duphaston. According to doctor, once finished the Duphaston, period should come within 1 week if not pregnant. I believe that is why the next appointment with the doctor for the upt is on 15th of August = 1 week after period is due.

Although i thought i want to test the UPT tomorrow on 14dpiui - 2 weeks after iui, now i think i might want to wait little longer.


Walmart once introduced Midge, Barbie’s pregnant friend, in the toy department. Sure. Barbie’s friend can get pregnant but you are still stuck in the infertile aisle.

(Source: 999reasontolaugh )

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


Google says i can already test. But im not going to test until my period is delay (if happens). Experience says, when you test the hpt, then period will come on the same day.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011


Don't know what to write... mind is so confused and corrupted!

Monday, August 1, 2011


...and scared