Rambling

Last Sunday when me and DH went to movie, we had plenty of time before the movie starts. So had our dinner and start talking few things about this TTC. In early days of treatment, we use to go together to clinic but since his actual presence is only needed on the IUI day, I'll go alone.

Let him know that Monday morning i need to go to LPPKN. He kind of not interested. He said he’s lazy with this TTC thing. Try and try and no success. During the IUI #1, his SA count was 40 million. If we take 40 million as a minimum count, if BD was done for 3 time during the ovulation it will be 120 million. Yet, none of those met the little egg. Its frustrating. I don't know how to console him.

Deep down in my heart, i want to go for IVF straight without IUI anymore. But, doctor at LPPKN doesn't allow IVF with just 1 IUI. Though i am so scared about IVF. How if its fails too? I’ve been reading a fair share of success and failed IVF stories. It hurts, although it is other person’s story. At the same time, really hoping for the IUI #2 to success. Prayers needed my dear friends.

(Pic source: Indah Khairani)

I find myself hopeful one day and depressed and beat down the next. Help me ya Allah! Sometimes i wonder if i was never made to conceive. This thought will always come and go regularly since in this 4.5 yrs, we failed to produced any single baby, not even miscarriage/ectopic/molar and what so ever. No... im not praying to have miscarriage/ectopic/molar its just the thought of not able to "make babies" that haunt me.

Cycle Updates

On my previous post, i said i might be having my menses this week. Last Friday, went for appointment to check the growth of my follicles and I did asked the doctor is it possible for me to get my period this week and he said, from the ultrasound, it doesn't seem like I'll be having menses anytime soon.

On CD9, i had 2 big follicles at 20mm and 19mm each. Others at around 14-15mm which will be continue grow if continue with the gonal-f. But since i request for time intercourse, doctor said 2 is more than enough (he actually don't prefer time intercourse for me since tried so many times before and it always fail and he keep saying better go for IUI).

Had my HCG shot (Pregnyl) on Saturday morning. The ‘mega project’ start 36 hours from the Pregnyl injection.

All done and now in 2ww. If it doesn't work out this cycle, its ok, i still can try again :)

I'm taking duphaston now for 16 days together with folic acid and black seed (habattussauda).

On separate note:

DH: Hey, i thought women will be having only 1 ovum per cycle?’

Me: Yes and that's for ‘normal women’. When I'm with the help of hormones medicine, it will stimulate the ovary to produce more ovum's.

After a while…

DH: So, that means you will be having your menopause very early since almost every month you are producing more than 1 egg. It will finish early then.

Me: (Silent-Speechless)

 

When the world says "Give Up" Hope whispers "Try it one more time."

Happy

So happy today coz the claimed that been pending since last year, finallygot it today. Submit the application end of last year and it was rejected. Submit again on February and received it today. It took 4 months to process with all the documentation right in place. Apa nak jadi ntah! I have not submitted the 2nd claim yet. So, will be getting it only end of the year i guess.

By the way, what im going to do with the money?

Option 1

My initial plan was, to keep it aside for my treatments. But then, yesterday came to know this particular auction house, near my parents house which is damn below the market price. Need to pay 5% if we are ok with the house. I knew the area and its very demanded place. So, thinking to invest in that.

Option 2

On the other hand, DH was not so interested with the holiday plan for next month for few reasons. One of the main reason was the tight budget. So, should i spend on this holiday trip then? Its a place which i’ve been dreaming to visit since my childhood days. According to DH, he asked me to cancel the trip and his going to pay me back the ticket price.

Overall, if the holiday trip did cancel at the end, will be getting additional money for the option no 1. But am i really into going to buy the house? Its another different story :p

Surprise

Receive 12 stalks of roses exactly like above from DH delivered to office today. Never ever he did such in 9 years of knowing each other. People started to ask what is so special today? My heart want to say that “well, im 3 months pregnant”. But in reality… its nothing close to that.

Thank you DH for the surprise :)

Feeling Better

This morning when i woke up, i was unable to open up my eyes widely as usual… the after effect of crying last night, my eyes become swollen.

I strongly believe that DH doesn't know that i was crying the whole night. Went to sleep early around 8pm and just informed DH that i want to rest, but actually I was sulking… sulking with my own body and life. Pity him. He tried to calm me but i just ignored him.

However, feeling better now.

Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again. - Alex Tan

I am responsible. Although I may not be able to prevent the worst from happening, I am responsible for my attitude toward the inevitable misfortunes that darken life. Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.  - Walter Anderson

Twins

Few days ago, i was already sleeping and DH comes and talking to me… he was telling me about what he watched at National Geography about there is one village where, almost everyone getting twins. Not only the native ppl but also those who moved down to that village, also getting twins within the first yr of their stay.

Scientist thought it must be the water or the foods that the villagers taking but there is no significant proof for this hypothesis.

Well, the village is in Kerala, India and the majority were Muslims and the village is now called as Twin Town!

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Twin town: The Indian village where there are 220 sets of twins has doctors baffled

By Daily Mail Reporter
Last updated at 4:31 PM on 15th July 2009

Baffled doctors are trying to unravel the mystery of an Indian village boasting more than 220 sets of twins born to just 2,000 families.

Experts who have visited the remote tropical village of Kodinhi, in Kerala, have been left scratching their heads over the phenomenon that has seen almost six times as many twins born than the global average.

In 2008 alone 15 pairs of twins were born in the village out of 300 healthy deliveries and this year is expected to top that number.

 

Twins walking down a street in the village of Kodinhi.The village of Kodinhi in the Malapuram district of the Southern state of Kerala allegedly has more than 220 pairs of twins

In the last five years alone up to 60 pairs of twins have been born - with the rate of twins increasing year-on-year.

Local doctor and twin enthusiast Dr Krishnan Sribiju has been studying the medical marvel of Kodinhi for the past two years.

Although 220 sets of twins have been officially registered in the village Dr Sribiju believes the real number to be far higher.

'In my medical opinion there are around 300 to 350 twins within the village boundaries of Kodinhi,' he said.

'What is fascinating is the increasing numbers of twins with each passing year, so much so that I feel in the past ten years the number of twins in Kodinhi has doubled.'  

Top twins town: Baseera & Bashila Basheer. (L-R Middle row) Reshna & Rafna Kareem, Suhaila & Sahala. (L-R Front row) Reshna & Rafna Kareem, Husain & Hasan Sulaiman

According to villagers, the twin phenomenon only started occurring three generations ago. Dr Sribiju can barely contain his excitement discussing the possible scientific implications of the village.

'To the best of my knowledge this medical marvel began somewhere between 60 to 70 years ago.

'Without access to detailed biochemical analysis equipment I cannot say for certain what the reason for the twinning is, but I feel that it is something to do with what the villagers eat and drink.

'If that is the case then maybe whatever is causing this exceptional level of twinning can be bottled and provide help for infertile couples.'   Categorising the twin phenomenon as a naturally occurring anomaly, Dr Sribiju has ruled out genetic factors as the cause due to the localised nature of the village.

He also dismisses any suggestion that the unusual level of twins could be caused by an unknown pollutant pointing to the high number of healthy twins born without any deformities.

'There are lots of reasons for twins, but let me explain the underlying uniqueness of Kodinhi,' said Dr Sribiju, 40.

 

Paired up: 78 pairs of twins(156) out of a total of 178 people (22 parents holding their children) in this group photograph taken at the Goverment upper primary school

'The number of twins per thousand here is around 45 per 1,000 births.

'Indian, and by that I mean Asian, people on the sub-continent have the lowest acknowledged incidences of twinning in the world at around four per thousand.

'In addition, there is no IVF treatment here because of the prohibitive cost. Global rates of twins being born, especially in the western world, have increased because of artificial insemination.

'Also, twins are born usually to older, more mature women. In Kodinhi that is not the case because marriage happens much younger here at around 18-20 years old and families begin very soon after.

'Another factor that bucks the trend is that twins occur in women who are generally over 5ft 3in in height. The height of women in Kodinhi is around 5ft on average.'  

The residents of Kodinhi, which is in the lush state of Kerala in the south of India, have even taken to calling their home 'twin town' and have gone as far as to set up the Twins and Kin Association (TAKA).

 

Amazing: Shahala & Shahana Ashraf

'TAKA has been set up to register and provide support for the twins of Kodinhi and their families,' said Puallani Bhaskaran, 50, the association's president and the proud father of twin boys.

'Understandably for such a significant minority in the community we feel that it is only sensible to club together to make sure that there is a focal point for the twins of Kodinhi to come to.

'Twins are financially a strain and also they are medically complicated for mothers to bear.

'TAKA can educate and support the villagers because here we have so many more twins than elsewhere.'  

Counting more than 220 pairs of twins ranging from 65 years to one month as registered members - with another 30 applications pending - TAKA's total membership exceeds 600 when parents are included.

'I began planning for this association in July 2008 and formalised it in December of last year,' said Mr Bhaskaran.

'The twins of Kodinhi should be united so that they can find out why they are here.'   However, for the twins of Kodinhi, life is lived with double takes and stares which eventually become common place.

'When I was at primary school I attended with around 30-40 other twins,' said Anu Bhaskaran, 16, who is the son of TAKA's president.

'It feels special to be part of something so unique, but the most satisfying thing about being a twin is tricking your friends and teachers,' said his brother Abhi.

With the majority of twins in Kodinhi being of the identical kind and the fact that a large percentage are under the age of twenty, the potential for mischief is enormous.

'We always find the teachers mix us up,' said five-year-old Shahala, who attends the local primary school in Kodinhi.

'Sometimes when we are feeling naughty we try and swap classes to confuse people,' said sister Shahana.

Citing the immense scientific implications should Kodinhi's secret be discovered, Dr Sribiju is currently trying to assemble the research support he needs to delve deeper into the twin town of Kodinhi.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1180544/Twin-town-The-Indian-village-220-sets-twins-doctors-baffled.html#ixzz1B9ixxsf8

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Now im thinking to shift there….! Anyone wants to join me?

Bloated

Remember me saying having stomach pain after the Pregnyl injection? It still continues until today… 7 days after. 2 days back, i called up the clinic and asked why im still having the pain even the ovulation its over and the nurse said, it shouldn't be the result of Pregnyl. It must be something else. But I'm not satisfied with the answer. Inform DH and we went to other clinic and the result was it must be the Pregnyl and the doctor don't want to give any medicine and to disturb the hormone.

So yesterday morning we went back to LPPKN, without an appointment beforehand. My stomach already grown big like 4 months pregnant by this time. DH much worried too. Need to wait till 1pm to meet the doctor even we already at the clinic by 9am. The doctor explained that yes, its the side effect from the medicine and its because having too much of mature follicle. My body never had matured follicle before. So doctor just asked me to take panadol and gave an day off.

Today the pain was ok but the stomach is still big and bloated. Hope it will be back to normal again.

When we are coming back from the clinic, DH was asking where we will be doing the aqiqah for the baby? at our house or at you mom’s place? I was like??? We don't even know we are successful this time or not how can u think about aqiqah? He was quite for a while then he start saying that he will be naming the kids later. Hmm, its clearly shows that DH is eagerly waiting to be a dad too even he hardly express his feelings. Sorry DH, cant give you child the past years and as for now :(

Dear my unborn child,

Im doing all this and facing all the pain because of you. I really hope one day you will be in my hand and playing with me and give me a wonderful smile.