Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Maa Banne Wale Hai

Maa Banne Wale Hai - (going to be a mother).



Aiswarya Rai –the miss world. I like her so much for her acting, her dance, courage and of course for her beauty. I’ve been waiting for this news since they married back in 2007 (same yr as mine) but only yesterday Amitabh Bachan confirm the news on his twitter.

I should be happy for her.

I am sitting on the couch, sobbing uncontrollably. instead!

Who’s next? Datuk Siti Nurhaliza?

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


I had spotting last Thursday on CD22. I called the clinic and asked can i consider it as period or not because its still early and my cycle usually 28-31 days. Nurse just put me on appointment on the following day and the doctor asked me to consider it as period and sent me home with lots of Gonal-f injection.

My instinct says that its not period. Recently my period gone mad. It doesn't follow the typical rule anymore. It will start, then stop after few days then will be getting spotting for another few days and stop again and then followed by the actual menses. This is why i happen to missed the appointment to meet doctor after my failed IUI. 

I’ve started my clomid on Saturday and injection the following day. But the spotting last for 4 days and then it stops.  No normal flow at all and my period never end in 4 days before.. Doctor said the IUI #2 will be on 27 June. I told him that I'm not going to do IUI this cycle since I will be away next week and i wont be able to undergo lab treatment. I want to go for time intercourse and he agreed. 

Again, my instinct says, next Monday I'll be having my ‘actual’ period! 

On different note, I've been having gastric and diarrhea for 5 days now since the spotting started. DH checking with me whether I'm ok regularly during the night. Yesterday on MC and today back to work.

I am so tired!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


So happy today coz the claimed that been pending since last year, finallygot it today. Submit the application end of last year and it was rejected. Submit again on February and received it today. It took 4 months to process with all the documentation right in place. Apa nak jadi ntah! I have not submitted the 2nd claim yet. So, will be getting it only end of the year i guess.

By the way, what im going to do with the money?

Option 1

My initial plan was, to keep it aside for my treatments. But then, yesterday came to know this particular auction house, near my parents house which is damn below the market price. Need to pay 5% if we are ok with the house. I knew the area and its very demanded place. So, thinking to invest in that.

Option 2

On the other hand, DH was not so interested with the holiday plan for next month for few reasons. One of the main reason was the tight budget. So, should i spend on this holiday trip then? Its a place which i’ve been dreaming to visit since my childhood days. According to DH, he asked me to cancel the trip and his going to pay me back the ticket price.

Overall, if the holiday trip did cancel at the end, will be getting additional money for the option no 1. But am i really into going to buy the house? Its another different story :p

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Jangan tertipu dengan dunia

Chatted with my best friend (male) on Friday night. He married end of last year and his wife is currently pregnant. Since i’ve known that she’s pregnant, i dont talk to him much coz i might not be a supporter for him when he talk about pregnancy and so on. So here’s the conversation – in Malay.

Report · 8:34pm



hws life?

dah ada baby?


Report · 9:16pm

im ok n still without bby


Report · 9:21pm

yeke ok...senyap ja


Report · 9:28pm

yela, xmo ganggu hg

mesti hg bz sokmo


Report · 9:28pm



Report · 9:28pm

bini kan preg


Report · 9:28pm

tak jugak...

itu betol...

bru p check up kat specialist...

no problem...


Report · 9:29pm

bilaa due?


Report · 9:29pm



Report · 9:29pm

ooh ok


Report · 9:30pm

tak p mana ka?'


Report · 9:30pm


actually aku saja menyendiri to be in my own cave


Report · 9:31pm

y is dat?


Report · 9:31pm

xtau camana nk ckp

im in a state where its diff to face ppl in daily life


Report · 9:32pm



Report · 9:32pm

so aku menyendiri

and feels better



Report · 9:33pm

hg kat mana lani?


Report · 9:33pm

kt umah la

mana lagi

cam soklan hg td

its a sensitive q for me

aku xsalahkan hg

tp its difficult for me


Report · 9:34pm

rileks la...

ada kebaikan lain kot...


Report · 9:34pm

i know

aku pun faham

but.. its hard to swallow those yg br kahwin smua preg

mungkin sensitivity laki lain kot on this matter

so i need time to convince my mind

tu jer

mesti hg tak faham apa2 kan



Report · 9:36pm


mmg pressure kot


Report · 9:37pm



Report · 9:37pm

apa solution skarg?


Report · 9:38pm

solution nya... i see the hikmah for not having kids yet and maybe i might not have any in future

mungkin akan ada...when the right time comes


Report · 9:39pm

aku dekat bk5

dok cari umah nak beli


Report · 9:39pm

cuma aku perlukan strength untuk menghadapi idup seharian ni


Report · 9:40pm

minum milo


Report · 9:40pm

blah la hg

minum milo buat per

and now i envy of ur life



Report · 9:41pm



Report · 9:41pm

settled and now dok cari rumah plak


Report · 9:41pm


on in heaven/hell

jgn tertipu ngn dunia



Report · 9:42pm

dunia is still important gak


Report · 9:43pm

live like waiting for a bus...

sedikit yg cukup utk bersyukur lebih baik dri byk dan melalaikan

aku tak suka tgk hg dok sedih2...

nti kita bual lain...

aku nak p mandi kuar...

catch u later...


This friend of mine, never failed to make me feel good. Its a big word “Jangan tertipu dengan dunia”. Im searching so many answers for so many questions in this world and he gave me one answer. We tends to see other ppl’s happiness and their beautiful life but we never realize that dunia is just temporary and there is something far more better waiting in hereafter.

Thank you G for the short conversation and sorry for putting it here (i did edit some of it). Its for me to look back and get my strength again and again each time i fall.

Friday, June 10, 2011


2 days ago, my sister called me up and asked me when was my last period. I told her that currently im having my period and asked her why she’s asking and she replied that she thought I'm pregnant.

My sister in law called me this afternoon and asking me to come home since she wants to cook for me because she says that I'm pregnant.


Thank you clomid, gonal-f, pregnyl and duphaston for making me looked pregnant.

Thursday, June 9, 2011


TTC Award

Received this beautiful award from Sister Irtiyah. Thank you so much :) Now, its my turn to pass around the award… I’m giving the award to the following TTC bloggers:-

  1. YummyMummy
  2. Sue
  3. ~S~
  • The pioneer of the award – Irtiyah
  • Received the award from – Irtiyah

You are free to pass around the award to other TTC friends – please follow the step provided at Irtiyah’s page when you are passing the award :)


and still having the menses. But, it was ok on the CD8 and it start again on CD9. I guess its because of the mood swing that I've been having plus the tensions i had over the weekend. Going to start praying tomorrow no matter it stops or not.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

No Title

Colleague of mine (the one who let me feel the baby kicking few months ago) will be on her maternity leave and today is her last day. As she said good bye and asked for forgiveness if she did anything wrong, i did asked forgiveness from her too and asked her to pray for me too while touching her big tummy. When i said pray for me… i cant control my emotion… and tears shed like rain that pouring heavily outside. I hate this type of situation. I hate my mind. I hate myself. 

Dealing with Life’s Challenges and Difficulties

We all come across various difficulties in our lives. However, not all of us handle them as effectively as we should. As strategies for getting through life’s problems are rarely formally learned, we are constrained to use trial and error, sometimes leading to suboptimal results.

Dealing effectively with our difficulties and problems requires appropriate emotional control, acceptance of realities, charting out a course of action, and finally taking preventive measures to keep future problems at bay. Thus, arming ourselves with the right intellectual, mental, and spiritual strategies to get through these phases can help us achieve successful breakthroughs.

Let’s go over those steps in more detail.

The Emotional Response

An emotional response to a difficulty or calamity is normal and only human. However, emotions have to be managed and channeled appropriately; else they can manifest negatively within our personalities and affect our lives in general. Research, too, confirms that emotionally-reactive individuals confronting even relatively minor challenges in their lives are prone to increased physical problems and diseases.

One potential way people channel their emotions is to act them out uncontrollably and irresponsibly. In such situations, the prophet (peace be upon him) instructed us to exercise patience and to maintain a composed demeanor instead. When his son Ibrahim was dying, the prophet’s eyes filled with tears. Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Awf said, ‘Are you weeping when you have forbidden us to weep?’ The Prophet said, ‘I do not forbid weeping. What I have forbidden is two foolish and evil kinds of voices: voices at times of entertainment and play and the flutes of the Shaytaan, and voices at times of calamity and scratching the face and rending the garments and screaming.’” [Al-Tirmidhi, al-Bayhaqi in al-Sunan al-Kubra (4/69), classed as hasan by al-Albaani]

In other cases, emotions are channeled to fester, which then leads to the development of a victimized mindset. You may not realize it, but believing that your life is a teary saga may be the anchor weighing you down and preventing you from moving forward.

So, be conscious of how you channel your emotions. You can temper them with positive thinking and a strong faith. If you show any signs of having a victimized mindset then you need to snap out of it and adopt a more positive and reality based mindset instead. That can put you on the right path to get out of your difficulties faster.

Trying to make sense of the difficulties

The divine decree: When facing difficulties, our weak faith can sometimes drive us to question the fairness of it all. In this context, we should remind ourselves that believing in al-Qadr (Allah’s divine will and decree) is one of the pillars of Islamic faith. As the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, it means belief in (1) Allah, (2) Angels, (3) revealed Holy Books (Quran, Bible, Torah, etc.), (4) His Messengers, (4) Day of Judgment, and (5) to believe in al-qadar (the divine decree) both good and bad. Allah also says in the Quran, “No calamity befalls on the earth or in your selves but it is inscribed in the Book of Decrees (Al?Lawh Al?Mahfooz) before We bring it into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allah.” [al-Hadeed 57:22].

As part of that belief, we should therefore recognize that Allah does what He wills for reasons that are only known to Him. Any attempt to comprehend with our limited minds His wisdom, or to understand how our current situation fits in His overall plan can only lead us to erroneous conclusions.

The “If-Only” Trap: Another trap that many of us fall into has to do with using the “if-only” logic. Very often, our minds tell us that “if I could have done such and such, then this wouldn’t have happened.” The prophet warned us against falling into such satanic traps. In a hadith narrated by Abu Hurayrah, the prophet remarked,

“…….If anything befalls you, do not say ‘If only I had done (such and such), the such and such would have happened,’ rather say: ‘Allah has decreed and what He wills He does,’ for ‘if only’ opens the door to the work of the shaytaan.” Narrated by Muslim (2664).

We see another example of this during the battle of Uhud when many Muslims died. This gave the hypocrites an excuse to criticize the divine decree. But Allah refuted their claims by stating (interpretation of the meaning): “Say: ‘Even if you had remained in your homes, those for whom death was decreed would certainly have gone forth to the place of their death’”. [Aal ‘Imraan 3:154].

This further goes to show that what Allah decrees is inevitable. Any attempt to imagine a different outcome based on different actions that we could have taken in the past will only increase our frustrations. This belief is also a blessing because it prevents us from returning to the past that can result in nothing but an added emotional baggage.

In this context, many among us also resort to blaming people, including those close to us. This blaming attitude in turn nurtures a mindset where people (even within families) resist future temptations to recommend anything or engage in an open dialogue. This not only weakens communications amongst people but also causes irreparable rifts and a loss of trust between them.

To summarize, accepting the divine decree can help us in not only forgoing the past but to also win Allah’s pleasure. Suppressing our urge to blame others by maintaining a positive mindset can help us maintain healthy relationships and in also keeping good recommendations and advice flowing.

Getting yourself out of trouble

Having accepted Allah’s decree, and after getting over any emotional challenges, the next step involves taking the right actions to get us out of our problems and difficulties. Actively engaging our God gifted faculties to pull us out of such situations is not as common as one may think. Thus, many a time we fail to achieve successful breakthroughs because we either follow a haphazard approach to resolve our problems or give up on our efforts too early in the process. This leads us to get stalled and makes us regard situations as irresolvable, hoping and praying for miracles to pull us out.

If you find yourself in such situations, this may be the time to rethink your overall approach. You see, most of us are accustomed to looking for “silver bullet” types of solutions. However, such solutions aren’t that many and thus can’t be relied on to get you out of your life’s challenges. Adopting a realistic but methodical approach instead has a better chance of putting you closer to your desired outcomes.

This requires that you take time to define the problems and difficulties that you face with increased clarity and specificity. This is bound to yield better results because you will get clearer about the outcomes that you desire. You will also be able to clearly delineate the constituent tasks that potentially can put you closer to your desired solution. Follow those tasks through to the end with perseverance and patience and you may reduce the load of your problems.

On the spiritual front, we should recognize that if Allah puts us through trials or punishes us because of our sins, the decision is His. However, as highlighted in another post on this site, seeking forgiveness through repentance (Istighfar) can help undo the damage of our sins. As the prophet (peace be upon him) said: “whoever does a lot of Istighfar, Allah will provide him a way out of each concern he has, and will solve all his troubles, and will provide him with livelihood from sources that were not known to him” (Narrated by Imam Ahmad, Sanad Sahih.)

Preventive measures

Finally, although Allah’s decree is ordained, there are things we can do beforehand to influence the outcome of our efforts, and thus prevent problems from piling up. First, we should never forget that Allah has provided us with a free will and associated faculties to think and act. As the prophet had stated, while we should fully trust Allah, we should tie our horse first – meaning we should use all our God-gifted faculties and exercise the required due diligence.

Second, for cases in which we fumble to choose between options, we should exercise the use of the Istikhara prayers. The text of the dua recited in those prayers clearly reflects your plea to Allah to make the desired decision work for you if it’s good for you, or to ward it off if it’s not. By doing so, you consciously put your faith in Him to guide you. This will reduce the likelihood of you ending up with a failed outcome and thus an added burden for you to carry in the future.


To summarize, remember that effectively channeling your emotions, letting go of a negative past, maximizing the use of your God-gifted faculties, and above all a strong faith can help you attain the wisdom that life demands from you to get through even the most difficult challenges. Just ensure that you get serious about resisting the old attitudes and inculcate a positive mindset to propel you forward.


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Grab ours

If we all threw our problems in a pile, and

saw everyone else's, we'd grab

ours back.


Thursday, June 2, 2011


Bumped into my friendster blog post which i wrote few months after being married.

Its been 51 days since i get married. Now, ppl around me start asking…. ‘any good news?’ or ‘dah ada ker?’. hmmm, i dont know why, from last time till now, ppl used to ask to question regularly once the person get married. My sis got a baby after 5 years of married life.

Even one of my hubby’s relative asked me, ‘are you planning coz ur still studying?’. commonlah… when i planned to get married, i knew that im studying and im working. i took up the challenge to get married as a student and also working women. I dont have to plan for this. Its a rizk from Allah. i dont know why people dont understand about this. We need to wait for the time to come.

This people make me crazy… i need some peace of mind. If ada rezeki… adalah tu… Rileks la oii… baru jer kawin… nak gak honeymoon dgn hubby… if dah ada baby… masa more on baby…. Selagi tak da tu… boleh lah honeymoon lagi. But it doesnt mean that im saying i dont want kids for now.  I just dont care and i leave the thing to Allah. He knows well when is the right time to give.

After 4 years 4 months, im still childless :(