Stressed!

Doc will be on leave

Yesterday i tried to call LPPKN again and this time, its the different nurse. She talked nicely and said that the doctor will be on leave 6-8 June. So it would be difficult for the ultrasound session without the doctor around. That's the real reason why they are not accepting any patient.

This reason was acceptable to me. Well, i know that the doctor didn't took any leave for this year yet. Its very difficult for him to take leave coz it involve lots of patients. In one of my appointment, we did talked about the holidays and he mention that he don't take holidays much. Even he will be working on Saturdays for outstation referring patients.

He’s a normal human being. He has his own family and its a school holidays. So he deserved to have his own family time. Wonder why the 1st nurse was very rude? Why don't she just explained that the doc will be on leave? She needs a PR course i think!

What? Rest?

I jinxed it by telling that AF going to arrive using my Myth. AF doesnt show up as expected and just arrived this morning. Called LPPKN for the appointment and when i said my AF is today, she simply said that, please take rest this month. I said, doctor already asked me to rest last month, what for i should wait more? They only accept for this who got their AF before 23rd May for this month. All the others need to wait next month coz they are bz with the IVF patients. Then i only have July before fasting month!! WTH!!

I want

TWINS!!!

 

Reality Check: Cant even afford a singleton, but dreaming of twins!

Awareness: Molar Pregnancy

Hydatidiform/Molar pregnancy

A hydatidiform mole is a rare mass or growth that forms inside the uterus at the beginning of a pregnancy. It is a type of gestational trophoblastic disease (GTD).

Causes, incidence, and risk factors

A hydatidiform mole, or molar pregnancy, results from over-production of the tissue that is supposed to develop into the placenta. The placenta normally feeds a fetus during pregnancy. In this condition, the tissues develop into an abnormal growth, called a mass.

There are two types:

• Partial molar pregnancy

• Complete molar pregnancy

A partial molar pregnancy means there is an abnormal placenta and some fetal development.

In a complete molar pregnancy, there is an abnormal placenta but no fetus.

Both forms are due to problems during fertilization. The exact cause of fertilization problems are unknown. However, a diet low in protein, animal fat, and vitamin A may play a role.

Symptoms

• Abnormal growth of the womb (uterus)

  • Excessive growth in about half of cases

  • Smaller-than-expected growth in about a third of cases

• Nausea and vomiting that may be severe enough to require a hospital stay

• Vaginal bleeding in pregnancy during the first 3 months of pregnancy

• Symptoms of hyperthyroidism

  • Heat intolerance

  • Loose stools

  • Rapid heart rate

  • Restlessness, nervousness

  • Skin warmer and more moist than usual

  • Trembling hands

  • Unexplained weight loss

• Symptoms similar to preeclampsia that occur in the 1st trimester or early 2nd trimester -- this is almost always a sign of a hydatidiform mole, because preeclampsia is extremely rare this early in a normal pregnancy

  • High blood pressure

  • Swelling in feet, ankles, legs

Signs and tests

A pelvic examination may show signs similar to a normal pregnancy, but the size of the womb may be abnormal and the baby's heart sounds are absent. There may be some vaginal bleeding.

A pregnancy ultrasound will show an abnormal placenta with or without some development of a baby.

Tests may include:

• HCG blood test

• Chest x-ray

• CT or MRI of the abdomen

• Complete blood count

• Blood clotting tests

• Kidney and liver function tests

Treatment

If your doctor suspects a molar pregnancy, a suction curettage (D and C) may be performed.

A hysterectomy may be an option for older women who do not wish to become pregnant in the future.

After treatment, serum HCG levels will be followed. It is important to avoid pregnancy and to use a reliable contraceptive for 6 - 12 months after treatment for a molar pregnancy. This allows for accurate testing to be sure that the abnormal tissue does not return. Women who get pregnant too soon after a molar pregnancy have a greater risk of having another one.

Expectations (prognosis)

More than 80% of hydatidiform moles are benign (noncancerous). The outcome after treatment is usually excellent. Close follow-up is essential. After treatment, you should use very effective contraception for at least 6 to 12 months to avoid pregnancy.

In some cases, hydatidiform moles may develop into invasive moles. These moles may grow so far into the uterine wall and cause bleeding or other complications.

In a few cases, a hydatidiform mole may develop into a choriocarcinoma, a fast-growing cancerous form of gestational trophoblastic disease.

More info at Wikipedia

Klinik Nur Sejahtera KK

When me and DH holidaying at Sabah last month, we stayed at the Promenade Service Apartment. When we was walking from the city tour to our apartment, i saw this.

Im not sure what is the actual function of this clinic at KK. I only knows that its a clinic under LPPKN and i just took the picture of it :)

Surprise

Receive 12 stalks of roses exactly like above from DH delivered to office today. Never ever he did such in 9 years of knowing each other. People started to ask what is so special today? My heart want to say that “well, im 3 months pregnant”. But in reality… its nothing close to that.

Thank you DH for the surprise :)

Another book?

“Infertility: Help, Hope and Healing”

Should i get another book? Looks interesting… but MPH doesn't have it!

Dont mess

This morning was started with baby delivering stories during my breakfast. Its a very complete detail until one can usually visualize what actually happen at the labor room. Is it unethical to walk off when i don't feel like listening any further?

The infertile mind is not logical. Don’t mess with an infertile. – 999reasonstolaugh

Ideas Please…

So, lets start with the location of the house searching… which area will be suitable? Last time i was thinking of Nilai… im not sure why i was so interested with Nilai but now, i guess I still need to find somewhere around Klang Valley.

Landed or condo/apartment? Landed is good… but then if i’ve ended as childfree forever, then its not practical to stay there where a condo/apartment will be more perfect for 2 pax.

If Condo/apartment… lease or freehold? We cant get any of the freehold below 300k nowadays… where to find the money then?

Why dont we all settle in one place and name that are as ‘Childfree Zone’ :p

Myth

When im on hormone medicine, AF arrive way early than expected date. But then, when i am not, it always exceed the expected due to AF. CD32 today and still waiting.

Reason to update this? Usually it will come the next day from the day i update the blog. So, we wait and see whether my myth is correct or not.

After effect

Suddenly feel like to stop concentrating on baby making and want to start looking for own house. Housing price keep on increasing and me and dh have not discussed about it yet. Apart from that, want to have a nice overseas holiday trip. I have a trip planned for coming July but no holiday package yet. May be i should start focusing on the holiday?

Why im feeling so? I guess its after effect reading the Baby not on board book :p

Baby not On Board

Did i tell you gals that I'm a book lover? I love reading since my childhood and its been part of me since then. Guess what i received 2 days ago?

                                   

Ordered this two books:-

1. Baby Not On Board – A celebration of life without kids by Shawn
2. Eat Pray Love – One Woman’s Search for everything By Elizabeth Gilbert

Browse through the first book and OMG! Its so funny and it comes with so many graph, picture to make it more interesting. Definitely going to read that book and will share few things from the book here.

The 2nd book is something that i was looking for quite some time and finally manage to get it. Last year the movie was out and love the movie so much. But, i always like to read the book first before the movie. Well, we cant judge a book by its movie nowadays. Book express things that movie doesn't cover.

Its reading time :)

PCOS Awareness.

I dont know whether i have Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) or not. So far, my two doctors that i went never mention that i have PCOS except they said, poor egg quality. Maybe i do hv pcos, im not sure and dont want to think further about it and make my mind more stress.

Just want to share this video from Hikari on PCOS awareness :)

Five Reasons why Allah uses problems

The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you – depending on how you respond to them. Unfortunately, most people fail to see how Allah wants to use problems for good in their lives. They react foolishly and resent their problems rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring.

Here are five ways Allah wants to use the problems in your life:

1. Allah uses problems to DIRECT you.

Sometimes God must light a fire under you to get you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your attention? "Sometimes it takes a painful situation to
make us change our ways."

2. Allah uses problems to INSPECT you.

People are like tea bags.if you want to know what's inside them, just drop them into hot ever water! Has God tested your faith with a problem. What do problems reveal about you? "When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience."

3. Allah uses problems to CORRECT you.

Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It's likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch a hot stove.. But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we only learn the value of something. health, money, a relationship.. .. by losing it. "It was the best thing that could have happened to me, for it taught me to pay attention to your laws."

4. Allah uses problems to PROTECT you.

A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something more serious.. Last year a friend was fired for refusing to do something unethical that his boss had asked him to do. His unemployment was a problem - but it saved him from being convicted and sent to prison a year later when management's actions were eventually discovered. "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good."

5. Allah uses problems to PERFECT you.

Problems, when responded to correctly, are character builders. God is far more interested in your character than your comfort. Your relationship to God and your character are the only two things you're going to take with you into eternity. "We can rejoice when we run into problems.they help us learn to be patient.. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady."

Here's the point:
God is at work in your life - even when you do not recognize it or understand it.

But it's much easier and profitable when you cooperate with Him.

"Success can be measured not only in achievements, but in lessons learned, lives touched and moments shared along the way"

Allah Knows Best.

Brown discharge

I had brown discharge yesterday and followed by ovary pain (well, thats how i think its ovary) on and off throughout the day and continued till night. Even now im having the pain. From the research that i made, it shows that, its an ovulation spotting. Haiya, very painful. Never had this before on unmedicated cycle. No more brown discharge as of today morning.

DH said, i was murmured the whole night coz of the pain. Should i check with the clinic? Anyone experience this before?

Current Feelings

Lost

Stuck…

Empty…

Stress…

Pain…

Down…

Confused…

Miserable

Claim: Approved

Received letter today mentioning that my claim is approved. So will be getting the payment maybe in 2 weeks time. Alhamdullillah.

Allah’s plan was superb. He gave me government job and let me going through treatment under government clinic, spent a lot and get claim for it and re-use the money again for my treatment. Masya Allah! Yeay! Not going to miss any treatment in near future, fasting month is coming… definitely need to take a break during that time.

P/S- I’ve started to fast today… since im not under any treatment this month, im hoping to fast as many as possible before start the treatment again which have to do TVS (TransVaginal Ultrasound). 1 down, 14 to go!

Overcoming the Shame of Infertility

Part of infertility stigma is feeling ashamed because you can’t conceive a baby. These tips for overcoming the stigma of infertility may help you cope with your feelings – and with the way people treat you.

“I’ve found that most people don’t truly understand infertility or how it impacts one’s spirit,” writes Kelly Damron in Tiny Toes: A Couple’s Journey Through Infertility, Prematurity, and Depression. “During my journey through infertility, I would alternate between bouts of depression and thinking I was cured.”

The reason people don’t understand infertility is because we don’t talk about it. We’re embarrassed, ashamed, angry, ashamed, or depressed, which makes us clam up. To overcome the stigma and shame of infertility, we really do need to start opening up – because sharing our infertility roller coaster can improve our emotional, mental, and physical health.

5 Tips for Overcoming Infertility Shame or Stigma

Talk about your situation

The more you talk about infertility, the easier – and more normal – it gets. If talking about it is really difficult, try writing about in your journal, songs, poetry – or even a book, like Kelly did. To help you talk about it with your spouse, read Talking About Infertility With Your Partner.

Start small

Whether you’re coping with male infertility (azoospermia, previous STDs, etc) or female infertility (endometriosis, STDs, lack of ovulation, etc) – tell your closest friends and family members first. Get support from people you can trust, who won’t make you feel bad and who understand what you’re going through.

Test the waters

Be careful who you talk to first! You could test the waters by telling people who you’re not close to, who wouldn’t have a hard time accepting it. That may help prepare you if you do decide to tell people whom you aren’t close to and who you know are judgmental or critical. The idea is to start slow and easy, and move your way up to “difficult” family members and friends.

Find people who understand infertility shame

Join in-person infertility support groups, or find an infertility forum that you feel comfortable being yourself on. The more you connect with people who are also facing the infertility roller coaster, the less isolated and weird you’ll feel. To overcome the stigma of infertility, find people who’ve “been there, done that.”

Remember that the “first is worst”

The hardest part of telling people about infertility is at the beginning. But, the more you share your difficulties with getting pregnant, the more normal it gets – not just for you, but for others as well.

Infertility isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s a medical condition – just like diabetes or heart disease. It changes how you see yourself, and it changes your life…but it’s not something to be ashamed of. There shouldn’t be a stigma attached to infertility, and the more we talk about it, the less embarrassing and shameful it will be!

(Source: The Adventurous Writer)

Im glad i have my own support group in blogging world

Ease after hardship

 

لِيُنْفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِنْ سَعَتِهِ وَمَنْ قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنْفِقْ مِمَّا آَتَاهُ اللَّهُ لَا

يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا مَا آَتَاهَا سَيَجْعَلُ اللَّهُ بَعْدَ عُسْرٍ يُسْرًا

(At Talaaq 65:7) Whoever has abundant means, let him spend according to his means; and he whose means are straitened, let him spend out of what Allah has given him. Allah does not burden any human being beyond the means that He has bestowed upon him. Possibly Allah will grant ease after hardship.

 

 

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

 

(Ash-Sharh 94:5) Indeed, there is ease with hardship.

(Ash-Sharh 94:6) Most certainly, there is ease with hardship. *4

*4 This has been repeated twice so as to reassure the Holy Prophet that the bad times hp was passing through at that time would not last for ever, but were going to be replaced by good times in the near future. On the surface this appears to be a contradiction that hardship should be accompanied by ease, for these two things do not co-exist. But the words "hardship with ease" instead of "ease after hardship" have been used in the sense that the period of ease is so close to it as if it were a concomitant of it

Insha Allah

 

Everytime you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost
That your so alone
All you is see is night
And darkness all around
You feel so helpless
You can’t see which way to go
Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Insha Allah x3
Insya Allah you’ll find your way
Everytime you commit one more mistake
You feel you can’t repent
And that its way too late
Your’re so confused, wrong decisions you have made
Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame
Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Insha Allah x3
Insya Allah you’ll find your way
Insha Allah x3
Insya Allah you’ll find your way

Turn to Allah
He’s never far away
Put your trust in Him
Raise your hands and pray
OOO Ya Allah
Guide my steps don’t let me go astray
You’re the only one that showed me the way,
Showed me the way x2
Insha Allah x3
Insya Allah we’ll find the way